Come Back to Us
by LoveTheShadows
Summary: What if Robert had gone to the battle lines of the first world war. Would he be leaving more than his beloved Cora behind? Perhaps someone he could have never expected, a new figure in his life that would tear his heart even more. Takes place in between the end of season one and the beginning of season 2.
1. Chapter 1

**July 1914**

The relentless rain eventually woke Robert Crawley from his deep sleep. Robert didn't want to get up, frankly he never did. All he wanted to do was lie beside his wife for eternity, but he couldn't. With that thought in mind, he tossed over and tried the go back to sleep and cherish the few moments he had with his wonderful wife. Robert tossed and turned but couldn't find sleep and he found himself staring at Cora's face as she slept. She was so beautiful. From the way her eyelids fell over her sparkling eyes to her beautiful ivory skin, she was flawless. I'll miss you so much my love, the last thing I want to do is leave. It was only a few days after England had declared war on Germany that he had received his appointment. He wouldn't be on the front lines, but he was still going to war. Robert's eyes began to sting with impending tears at his thoughts of war. He didn't know how long he would be gone, he solely hoped he could be spared months away from his beloved family.

Still staring at her face, he reached his left hand out and brushed the hair off her face. She stirred under his touch and Robert smiled has her bright eyes opened to look at him.

"Good morning darling" Robert whispered.

"Did you sleep well. It's going to be a busy day for you," Cora responded softly. There was a hint of worry in her voice.

"I did actually. Considering how late we were up last night." Robert chuckled quietly as he thought back to the previous night. He and Cora said their first of many goodbyes, but the loving conversation escalated into more. Their kisses full of love and passion and they found comfort in each other. Their last act of love ended with their bodies becoming on twisted in a heap of sheets. Cora crying softly into his chest.

"Oh Robert..." Cora's voice snapped him out of his memories. He focused back on her eyes and noticed the wetness there. "I will miss you so much. And please, do be careful." She was begging to him. She couldn't imagine what she would do without him. She needed Robert like she needed air.

"Cora. I promise, I will make it back. I will be here for you as long as you live." Robert made a promise to himself long ago that he would never leave her alone. That she would never have to be unbearably sad. Yet here he was. And he felt so guilty leaving her to go to war once again. He couldn't see why the army would want him, but they gave him his offer, and there was no way he could turn it down.

The rain outside intensified as the couple cuddled in silence. The only sound to be heard were Cora's muffled sobs into his chest. Robert had to leave quite soon and unfortunately he had to lift Cora's slim body off of him.

"I'm sorry dearest, but I must be getting ready.

As much as it pains me to do so."

"Go ahead and ring for Bates then, I'll ring for O'Brien."

"I'll see you downstairs then." With that Robert disappeared into his dressing room. And Cora was alone. Hopefully, this emptiness wouldn't be endless.

* * *

"Good luck Papa. And don't take your time coming back." Sybil wasn't old enough to remember when her father left for South Africa, so she never knew how it felt to watch him leave. She now experienced this painful feeling. She gave her father, her protector, a hug and her gave her a light kiss on the cheek, as he did to all of the girls.

"Do be careful Papa." It was Mary who spoke now. Her voice strong and confident as usual. However on the inside, she was quite the opposite. She always hoped that she would never have to see her beloved Papa leave again, yet here she was. Mary watched her Papa say goodbye to Granny. She seemed to whisper something in his ear, but only for the two of them to ever hear. Even Granny seemed to show some emotion, which Mary found quite surprising knowing her nature.

Robert then turned to Cora, his beautiful Cora. The rain cascades off her umbrella, creating a veil around her emotionless face. It hurt him to see his wife so dreary, but he knew she had support from her family. Cora's piercing blue eyes met his soft ones, and they both seemed to get lost in each other's gaze before Robert took her hands in his and gave them a tight squeeze. Her long, slender fingers intertwined in his much larger ones. Their hands soon pulled apart as he walked towards the car. _Goodbye my darling, please come home safe_. Robert took one last look up at the abbey, then his family and he sunk into the car. The door was quickly closed behind him and the next thing Cora noticed was her husband disappearing into the countryside. The sounds of the car grew distant and they soon disappeared. Everyone went back inside, except for Cora and Carson, who was holding her umbrella now. The foreboding atmosphere around her only heightened her emotional level and she stared blankly down the road the car had been on only a few minutes ago. Robert was probably on the train now, or at least at the station.

"Milady, perhaps we should go inside? It is a bit chilly today."  
With that Cora returned inside, the big doors of the abbey closing behind her.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hello! Thank you so much for your kind feedback, it means a lot to me! So here is a new chapter, I hope you enjoy! Quick note that anything you may recognize from Downton I do NOT own. Thanks for reading!**

* * *

Cora stepped outside into the humid air; the estate looking like a haze around her as she strolled away from the abbey. She'd recently found herself quite occupied, so much so that she would sometimes feel as if she's drowning in all of the work. She had help of course, but Cora insisted that she takes the majority of the load. Taking on Robert's responsibilities and her own was quite challenging. _Robert. Oh Robert, my darling. I just wish to see your face, listen to my name roll off the top of your tongue._ Robert was the reason she had all of this work. It was the only way she could tune herself out from the horrors around her. Robert's letters came often enough, and she was always eager to read them. Eager to see his handwriting, reassuring that he wasn't gone from her.

* * *

Cora's eyelids felt extra heavy as she was making her way back to the abbey. She hadn't been sleeping well recently. Cora would wake up early to get to work and she's also find herself up quite late for the very same reason. The fact that her dreams weren't at all pleasant didn't help her. Her pace started to slow as she felt the exhaustion wash over her. Thankfully the abbey was now in plain sight, it's weathered walls tinted gold by the sunlight. As she entered the threshold, a familiar, booming voice called her name.

"Cora! There you are I've been waiting on you." Violet came racing out of the drawing room holding a couple papers in her hand.

"I apologize Mama, you should have told me that you wanted to see me."

"I don't see how this is suddenly my fault."

"I never said it was." Cora's voice was slightly raised this time. Although it wasn't the first time her mother in law had made her awfully frustrated. "Now I'm quite curious on why you've been waiting for me." Cora eyed the papers in Violet's hand and let out an exasperated sigh.

"I've had another letter from Susan today. She mentions that the story between Mary and Mr. Pamuk was circling around a recent event she had. I'm afraid this means gossip. And gossip is quite dangerous."

"Surely it was just gossip between a few women. I don't think it's that harmful"

"On the contrary. This could spread and ruin Mary. We should send her abroad."

"There is absolutely no need for that Mama. It's small gossip and I'm..." Cora suddenly felt her fatigue take full effect. It came over her like a wave. She felt almost sick in exhaustion.

"Cora are you quite alright? You don't seem to be looking well." Cora couldn't seem to answer the question. Instead she rubbed her eyes. Her head was pounding and her eyelids felt heavy. She was falling, fast. "Cora?" Violet questioned again. This time, Cora managed to stumble out a feeble answer. One quite unlike her normal tone.

"I'm alright, I'm alright."

"Cora my dear, you don't look at all alright, why not take a re-" Violet couldn't manage to finish her sentence before Cora's aggressive tone ripped through the silence of the abbey.

"No. Absolutely not Mama. How am I supposed to rest when you are planning to send my eldest daughter away in times like this? When Robert is gone fighting in a war? I don't see how I'm supposed to simply rest. "Violet just stared at her daughter and law, studying her face. In this moment her sadness and pain were clearly written on her face, no longer masked by anger and courage. Her eyes were weary and seemed to have a faint but permanent red rim from crying. Hurt was etched in her face, a hurt Violet had seen in another wartime. Cora felt quite uncomfortable under piercing eyes of her mother and law and quickly retreated into the library, snapping the door closed behind her. She had felt her mother in law's eyes following her, and the minute she felt the connection break she took a deep breath. Cora lay back against the ornate door and peered around the room, making sure she was alone. She then let herself fall apart, sliding down the door and sinking her head into her knees.

* * *

Violet watched the door to the library abruptly close. The sudden noise snapping her focus off of Cora. She hadn't always really cared for her daughter in law, and they don't always get along well, but she couldn't help but worry. She was her son's wife after all.

"Granny!" Sybil's chipper voice ringed through the house as she came down the stairs. Her smile lighting up the empty space. "How are you today?"

"Fine dear. Just fine."

"Well I'm afraid I must be going. I shall see you at dinner Granny!" Violet kept a fixed gaze on her youngest granddaughter. Sybil was always the sweetest, most caring one. Though she was the most like Cora, which could be wonderful and problematic all at once. Her free spirit was hard to control, but it was what made her so unique.

"Sybil dear, I have a favour to ask of you." Sybil turned on her heels glancing back at her Granny, wondering what type of favour she conjured up this time. "I need you to keep an eye on your mother. Look after her, help her out." Violet only asked Sybil to do this because she took pride in taking care of people, and Cora wouldn't listen to Violet as well as she would Sybil.

"That's an odd favour. May I ask why?"

"To be perfectly honest my dear, I feel as if your mother is going beyond her own limits."

* * *

 **Thanks once again!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hello again! Winter break is finally upon us (yay!) so I've decided to update because it honestly just made me happy. Thank you once again for reading, it always means a lot and I enjoy updating. This whole writing fanfiction thing is quite fun.** **Oh, once again anything you may recognize from Downton Abbey I do not own. Enjoy!**

* * *

Lady Edith Crawley wasn't in the mood hear about Mary's problems, actually, she's never in the mood. However ever since her wicked sister drove Sir Anthony Strallen away from proposing to her, Mary has become even more suffocating to her. And of course the whole situation concerning Mr. Pamuk kept the focus on Mary. She was honestly quite fed up, yet the Pamuk scandal gave her something against her sister, and for Edith it meant that she had the upper hand. Her mother wasn't quite as involved in Mary's situation as Granny was, though her mother was rarely involved in much conversation these days. Her mother seemed to be quite out of sorts more than usual these past few weeks, and Edith couldn't help but worry. Though in the end she passed it over as none of her business.

"Ah Edith, I was just looking for you." Mary came darting into the library looking like a woman with a mission, which never pleased Edith.

"Why on earth would you be looking for me." Edith snarled back at her sister, not quite realizing her tone of voice. Mary seemed slightly taken back by the aggressiveness but got over it quite quickly.

"I was wondering if you give this to one of the servants and post it. " Mary handed her a pristine letter, which she desperately wanted to open.

"Why don't you do it yourself."

"Because I'm in a hurry."

"Well tough luck because I'm not your personal servant, you can take your time to complete your own tasks. Edith placed the letter back in Mary's hands and quickly left the conversation. Defying her older sister made her feel quite powerful, something she didn't experience often. And frankly, she took full pleasure out of it. _I think Matthew deserves to know about Pamuk, that should push him away from her. Her attempts to get him back will be futile._ Edith soon began to write the horrid letter she felt so compelled to write.

* * *

"I think Her Ladyship is quite a powerful woman, taking on all of this work."

"Yes but Mrs. Hughes I do worry that it may be too much for her."

"Mr. Carson, you and I have both known Her Ladyship for quite a long time, we both know she is a capable lady."

"Yes, yes she is." Charles Carson has known Her Ladyship for many years, and he knows her and His Lordship very well. He remembers Her Ladyship being the young, vibrant american whom His Lordship had been absolutely taken with. Though he also remembers when her husband was in Africa, and she was gloomy and depressed. The current situation was quite reminiscent of that one, and her couldn't help but notice that it seemed worse this time. Something wasn't right at Downton Abbey, and Carson could sense it. The quiet chime of the clock released him from his deep though and he quickly noted what time it was.

"Well, would you look at the time." Mrs. Hughes spoke up. "I think we must be heading up. It was nice chatting Mr. Carson. We're so busy these days, we sometimes forget to say goodnight to each other."

"I couldn't agree more." And with that, they headed upstairs to gain plenty of rest for the days to come.

* * *

Sarah O'Brien almost overjoyed when Her Ladyships bell had rung. The servants hall was bustling with talk of the war and O'Brien really didn't want to hear it. Did they expect good news? If they did they would be let down, for this war is anything but good news. In the first three months of this war, it was taking a devastating toll on Europe. The fall season was in it's peak and everyone's hope of the war being over by Christmas were quickly fading away. Which meant the depressing feeling that clouded the world wouldn't be going away anytime soon.

O'Brien made her way to Her Ladyship's door and knocked softly, before opening the ornate door in front of her. She hoped that Her Ladyship wouldn't be frustrated with her since it took her slightly longer than usual to arrive. Though when she opened the door she was surprised to see that the room was empty. She closed the door behind her and stood in the middle of the room. There was a coughing noise coming from the washroom, and the door was slightly ajar. O'Brien entered and saw Lady Grantham leaning against her sink with one of her hands covering her mouth. She was awfully pale and thin, with dark circles under her red rimmed eyes, she looked quite ghoulish. And O'Brien felt a pang of sorrow for her.

"Would you like me to get the basin for you milady?" Lady Grantham didn't remove her hand from her mouth and simply nodded. O'Brien made her way to a cabinet where she pulled out a small basin. "Let's take you back to bed milady, lying down should help a bit." O'Brien grabbed Her Ladyship's other arm and led her back to bed. As soon as she lay down and removed her hand, she began be sick. All Sarah could do was hold her hair and the basin as Her Ladyship suffered.

Lady Grantham's sickness seemed to be slowing down and O'Brien went to fetch a cold cloth for her forehead. She carefully placed it on Her Ladyship's perspiring brow as her head became buried in the feather pillows.  
She had a suspicion on what was wrong with Her Ladyship, but she didn't want to sound too forward if she asked. All Sarah could do was look at her with kind eyes, hoping she will have the weight lifted off her chest.

"O'Brien..." Her voice was hoarse from constantly being ill, and it was filled with an eerie sadness. "I'm pregnant..." The words seemed to disappear into thin air right off her tongue. They were the words O'Brien expected to hear, but they still took her by surprise.

"I suspected so milady. I assume you've seen the Dr. Clarkson then?"

"Yes." Lady Grantham buried her face further into her pillows, soaking them with her tears. Sarah was at a loss of words, Lady Grantham hadn't been pregnant in eighteen years, and now she was. At a time like this, it's not at all ideal. "I'm pregnant, and I feel so lost. I'm terrified of the future, that I may find a horrid telegram waiting for me. I'm sorry O'Brien, I don't mean to be so emotional right now. I'm embarrassing you."

"I don't mind milady. Though I think some rest would help, now that you aren't feeling so ill." O'Brien pulled the covers up over Her Ladyship's small frame and began to clean up the basin and the cloths. It didn't take long for Lady Grantham to relax and for her breathing to become more steady. She was still awfully pale and thin. Sarah knew that she didn't eat or sleep, and she was always so tense. However, those things will hopefully resolve soon. Now that Sarah thought about it, if she wasn't pregnant she would be way thinner and looking way more unwell.

"O'Brien." Her voice still hoarse and now quite groggy as she was slipping away into sleep. "This conversation stays between these four walls."

"Of course milady." And with that, Her Ladyship fell into a much needed nap.

* * *

 **Quick un-related note: If you haven't seen the new Star Wars movie yet, go see it. :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: So merry Christmas everyone. I was going to wait until after Christmas to update but I just went and did it anyways. I personally really liked this chapter and thank you once again for your kind words! Enjoy!**

* * *

 _Cora,_

 _I'm so sorry for not writing back sooner. I have just been very busy writing all sorts of reports lately. Taxing work it is. In your last letter you asked me what it was like here. This Belgium and the Belgium we traveled across are extremely different. It's a wasteland here. A field of mud. Though I don't want to trouble your thoughts, so I'll stop there._

 _I do hope all is well at Downton. I did worry a little when you mentioned Mary's situation in your last letter, but I am more than confident you have that under control. I'm sure matters with the estate are running smoothly with you as my substitute._

 _However, I do worry about you Cora and I hope all this estate business isn't causing you trouble. I hope you are getting enough rest and you are taking care of yourself, I worry about you Cora. And I miss you terribly. I've realized how empty each day is without you in it, it's awfully uneventful. Anyways please take good care of yourself or else I will have to send Mama on your case, and I know that will not have a good outcome. I love you so very much Cora, and I'm counting down the days until I can see you again. Send my best wishes to everyone._

 _Your darling husband,_  
 _Robert._

Cora gently set the letter down beside the pile of papers on the desk. Roberts words had made her smile, a genuine smile. Every time she received a letter she was relieved and excited. It meant he was okay and she could hear Robert's voice speaking those exact words in her head. She didn't try to contain her laughter over his slight jab at Mama. She was alone in the library, everyone else had gone upstairs long ago. However, she had work to do, though she expected O'Brien to appear in the library any moment advising her to go to bed. It had been about a week since she had told her about the pregnancy, and O'Brien has been hovering over Cora which reminded her of her mother in law. O'Brien had been making sure Cora ate breakfast, and that she was comfortable. No one else knew of the pregnancy, not even Robert. She hadn't really found the right time to mention it. However her checkup with Clarkson today made it clear that she would have to speak up about it soon. She was almost four months into the pregnancy and she wouldn't be able to hide it much longer. She had an almost unnoticeable bump at the moment, one that couldn't be seen through the thick fabric of her dresses. But soon the baby's growth will speed up and the bump will be noticeable. Though for Cora, that was a situation to be dealt with on another day. As much as she was upset at the situation she was in right now, she was elated to be pregnant. Another baby. A fourth child, possibly an heir. Cora couldn't wait to hold a little baby once more, and of course for Robert's priceless reaction. The last three times she had been pregnant, Robert acted like he was in a state of paralysis when he was told. She always got quite a laugh out of it. The fatigue started to weigh down on Cora and she eventually fell asleep in the darkness of the library. The one lamp on the desk not enough to keep her from drifting off into the darkness.

* * *

Carson usually enjoyed his final round of Downton Abbey before he went upstairs at night. He loved walking the halls of the grand home, enjoying its serene beauty. The house was always so full of life, this was the one time it was stripped of noise. The only noise was the clicking of Carson's shoes against the old wood. On his final pass through the house, he noticed a soft glow coming from the library. Of course he investigated and when he opened the door, it wasn't what he expected. Lady Grantham was sitting at His Lordship's desk with a single lamp illuminated, just enough light to make out her face. Her arms were crossed, resting on top of a pile of books and her head was propped in her arms. Carson could see her eyes were closed and as he approached her he noticed that she was fast asleep. How long had she been there? Carson felt terrible having to disturb her, but surely she couldn't stay in the library all night.

"Milady...?" Carson waited for her to wake up but she continued sleeping. He didn't quite know what he should do. He called her name a few more times and then then he resorted to lightly tapping her shoulder. "Lady Grantham..." He lightly shook her shoulder and her eyelids fluttered open as she startled awake.

"Oh Carson! How long have you been there?" She moaned, still groggy from sleep.

"Not too long Milady. I would strongly suggest heading upstairs, the rest of the family went up long ago."

"Yes of course, don't wake O'Brien, I can manage on my own." Lady Grantham stood in a hurry and made her way to the door. "Carson, what time is it?"

"Close to midnight milady."

"Oh my... goodnight Carson. I'm sorry for keeping you up longer than needed."

"Not a problem milady." With that Her Ladyship made her way upstairs and the house was once again silent.

* * *

Violet Crawley was on a mission. Cora had been acting rather odd lately and Violet couldn't help but feel like there was a secret floating around. And Violet doesn't appreciate when things are kept from her. What really set her off wasn't her daughter in law's strange behaviour, it is expected for Cora to be a bit unlike herself when Robert is gone. What set her off was when she saw Dr. Clarkson coming down the stairs the other day. This wasn't the first time she had seen him in the past week or so. The first time it was here she suspected that Cora had a mild cold, considering they were approaching that season. However seeing him again made her wonder. It seemed she was now on an investigation. She decided to consult Sybil first, since she was the one secretly tasked to look out for her mother.

"Sybil dear..."

"Yes Granny?" Sybil gently but down her book on the side table and focused her attention on her grandmother.

"Have you noticed anything about your mother lately? Is she unwell?"

"She hasn't been herself for the past three months or so. It's because Papa isn't here."

"Yes, I've noticed your Papa isn't here. I'm talking more in the last couple of weeks."

"Not that I've really noticed. I think she's just off because of Papa."

"Yes, of course, well I'll let you get back to your reading."

The great Violet Crawley investigation was still in progress. She had yet to learn what was really wrong with Cora, she'd begun to have suspicions but she quickly shot them down. Violet decided that it was the right time to question O'Brien. She managed to catch O'Brien near the stairs and pulled her aside. Surely Cora's lady's maid knew what was wrong.  
"O'Brien I need you to tell me what is wrong with Lady Grantham. Don't try to tell me there is nothing wrong because I know something is up."

"Her Ladyship said I mustn't tell-"

"O'Brien I just need the answer to my question. Then you won't be telling me directly, you'll just be answering my question." O'Brien was unmoving for a moment and then she nodded her head in agreement.

"Good. Now, is Lady Grantham ill?"

"In a way."

"Is she pregnant?" O'Brien seemed to pause for a moment, trying to formulate what to say before explaining the situation.

"Yes. Lady Grantham is pregnant. About three months gone, almost four."

"That is all I needed to know O'Brien, thank you. If Her Ladyship has a problem, tell her to attempt taking it up with me." With that, Violet had her answer. There was to be a new baby in the house within about five months time. With Robert not here. War raging. She didn't usually feel much sympathy towards her American daughter in law, but right now she did. Cora must be drowning in sadness, but living in joy at the same time. A fourth grandchild, one completely unexpected. Violet couldn't help but feel a twinge of excitement.

* * *

 **Once again anything you may recognize from DA I do not own. Thanks for reading!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Bonjour! I hope everyone is having a lovely holiday season! I was so excited to update this chapter because we finally get to check up on poor Robert. Anyways, as always I thank you all for reading and I love reading your kind reviews! Thank you for your awesome support! Happy reading!**

* * *

Robert was disappointed when he woke up in the confines of his small tent. Every day he wished he would wake up and realize that this was all one bad dream, and he would have Cora nestled against him. But every day it was the same result. Disappointment. The skies seemed to always be a dismal grey shrouding the base in misery. The rain was endless, it felt like he was going to go mad trying to remember what the sun looked like. The ruined town they had made base in provided them shelter, but not nearly enough. He would often find himself sopping wet trying to walk between tents hidden in ruined buildings. Though he was luckier than the men in the trenches on the lines ahead of them. He wondered if Matthew, William and Thomas were in the trenches. Probably, the only reason he was in the back lines was his position, and that was the only way he was lucky. The mud. Oh the mud. It was bad enough here. Where it would ruin your boots and cause slow movement, but in the trenches it was death. He'd seen many men come to the medical station here with severe trench foot, it was serious. Everything was serious. The only time he smiled was when the mail came, he could then be reminded of what he was fighting for. His beautiful country and family. That's the real reason he was here. Of course a sense of pride went along with it, but he wanted to keep his family and country safe, and so he shall. Though some days he felt desperate for release, release from this pit of suffering. He felt like it would never end. Robert secretly hoped that his superiors would tell him he was no longer needed. Though he knew that was a real long shot.

When Robert was done dressing for the day, he popped outside of his tent to further disappointment. It was getting colder and the nip of the wind made him want to retreat back inside his tent where his small heat lamp was kept. The fire inside it was small, but served its purpose. As he looked over the land, he still couldn't get used to the wasteland he currently inhabited. The smoke pillars rising from the hills, the caked, dark brown mud that replaced the grass. There were no more trees, only large shell holes from explosives. And the birds did not sing here, the music replaced by weapons firing day in and day out. His thoughts were soon interrupted by the familiar chime of private Thompson.  
"Here's the post for today sir." Thompson handed him a single letter with familiar loopy script on the front. It was from Cora. And Robert gave a slight smile to the young lad.  
"Thank you very much Thompson." Robert said as he patted the young man's shoulder. He ran off with other letters to deliver, and Robert retreated to the confines of his tent. He made himself comfortable on his cot and tore into his letter like a greedy child on Christmas. The elegant handwriting of his wife brought some much needed warmth to his heart.

 _Robert,_

 _I hope things have improved since the last time you wrote. As for me, I don't really know how to tell you so I'm just going to come out with it, I'm pregnant. Just under four months gone, so the baby should come near the end of March or the beginning of April. I-_

Pregnant. Cora is pregnant. He was suddenly out of breath. He was sweating profusely despite the cold and he felt a bit faint. A fourth child, my god.

 _I know this is a lot to intake in a few sentences and I'm sorry, but I couldn't very well wait until I see you at Christmas to tell you. I hope you are happy. Another baby Robert, I can't believe it. Don't worry, I have already had appointments with Dr. Clarkson and he said there should be no complications. I know it's an awful time for this to happen, but it is still a blessing. I hope you aren't worried sick Robert, you have much bigger problems._

 _There is not much news to report other than what I've just told you. I continue to try and do a good job with everything, and yes, I know that I need to take care of myself and not to work overtime. But I like being busy. All I can say is to take good care of yourself Robert, I'm counting down the days until I can see you again._

 _Cora._

The letter shook in Robert's hand. A baby. Another little one to call him 'Papa' and to call Cora 'Mama'. He was so caught up in imagining the little one running around Downton that he didn't notice the huge grin that had plastered itself on his face. Cora hadn't been pregnant in eighteen years. Sybil's birth had been extremely difficult for Cora and they'd considered not having more children. However they had tried a couple years later, but Cora couldn't simply become pregnant again. But here she was, almost four months gone. Robert's tears of joy began to drop into the precious letter and he simply let them fall. Too happy to care if anyone saw him. But then the possibility of an heir crept it's way into his mind and he became almost catatonic. What if the baby was a boy? Another daughter would be perfect, but a boy would be magical. A son. He would teach him so many things, how to shoot and hunt, how to play cricket, how to run the estate, but mostly how to play cricket. Robert is caught dreaming of the many possible futures for the child, and he can't help but chuckle a bit.

* * *

Autumn was always one of Cora's favourite seasons, not because of the impending chill of winter, but because of the colour. There was always a certain magic about the way the estate looked during autumn. It was like a canvas that had been splattered with all sorts of vibrant colours. While there were the evergreens that didn't change colour, there were the trees that did. When Cora first came to Downton, she marvelled at the beauty of the estate, and it was a comfort to do so once more. The crisp breeze would leave a slight chill on Cora's skin, and she found it refreshing. She'd been spending so much time cooped up inside lately, and soon enough the estate would be blanketed with snow and she would be forced inside by the icy cold. Besides, the fresh air helped clear her mind of business and focus on herself.  
Did Robert receive the letter yet? She could imagine his reaction, if only he wasn't so far away so she could see it. He would be stunned, as always. She could barely believe it herself but this morning she and O'Brien had noted that it was visible when she was in her nightgown. The tiniest bump in her abdomen was enough to make her come downstairs smiling. She made her way to the bench along the pathway and sat down, the nausea had gone away just yet. Fortunately it passed and Cora finally got her peace and quiet. However, her state of bliss was soon interrupted by Carson coming to tell her she's been summoned by the Dowager Countess. What could she possibly need now? Cora wasn't in the mood for an argument with the stoic woman, but she decided she had to go anyways.

"The Countess of Grantham m'lady"  
Cora made her way into her mother in laws sitting room to be greeted by a warm smile. Violet was seated in her usual chair and she gestured for Cora to sit as well. Cora didn't know what to expect from this visit, but she hoped for nothing worth fighting about.

"So, Cora, when were you planning to tell everyone?" Cora was a bit shocked at Violet's words. How did she know? She pretended to look confused, hopefully steering her mother in law in the wrong direction.

"Really Cora don't pretend as if you don't know what I'm talking about. When were you planning to tell us about the baby?"

"Well... I... was going to soon I just... couldn't find the right time." She was really at a loss for words. But that was the truth, she was just waiting for the time to be right.

"Does Robert know?"

"I wrote to him two days ago." Violet nodded and smiled a little at her reply. Hopefully the visit wouldn't be the equivalent of a criminal interrogation.

"When will the baby be born?"

"The end of March or the beginning of April."

"Well, you must take good care of yourself until then." Violet was quite gentle with Cora, thankfully, she couldn't bear a lecture on honesty with one's family.

"May I ask how you know?"

"Cora my dear it is simply instinct. I could tell there was something different about you and there are plenty more symptoms than just physical appearance." Violet seemed confident with her answer, but Cora wasn't buying it. Obviously her mother in law had done some snooping. Cora shot Violet a slight frown and rolled her eyes a bit, trying to make her mother in law tell the truth. "Well, I may have done a bit of my own investigation. But I can assure you, O'Brien didn't tell me by choice, she was very loyal."

"That's nice to hear. A loyal ladies maid is hard to come by."

"You don't have to tell me my dear. So, how are you feeling?"

"Not too bad. I'm exhausted and nauseous, but the nausea only lasts a few minutes." Violet nodded at her response and a slight smile escaped her lips. She was of course, happy with the news of another grandchild. The two chatted about other things, but the new baby was really the only thing on both of their minds.

* * *

 _Robert peered out the small window in the car at the familiar scenery around him. The estate hadn't changed in the time he'd been gone. Seasons had come and gone, but Downton still stood. Now coming back from the war, the world seemed wonderful to him once more. As the abbey came into view he let a smile creep onto his face, until he noticed something ver odd. Black. They were all wearing black. The family. And as he pulled closer, he noticed one familiar face missing amongst his family. The car came to a stop in front of the abbey and before he stepped out, he noted the small bundle in Mary's arms. His mother was standing next to the car as he climbed out.  
_

 _"Where's Cora? Mama?"  
_

 _"Robert..." Violet didn't know how to break the news to him.  
_

 _"No! Tell me where she is!"  
_

 _"Papa-" Mary tried to jump into the conversation but was quickly silenced by her grandmother.  
_

 _"Robert, there was a complication during childbirth, Cora is gone." His mother's voice was dismal, cloaked in sadness. He suddenly noticed the tear stricken faces of the entire household, the soft cooing noise coming from the small bundle in Mary's arms.  
_

 _"No. No! She can't be gone." Robert began to collapse. "Cora! Cora come back!-"  
_  
"CORA!" Robert jerked awake in his cot, covered in sweat and breathing heavily. It was just a nightmare. A horrible nightmare. But it made him think, what if there was a complication? She had problems during Sybil's birth and that was a long time ago, she's older now. No. He couldn't think about that. She is strong, she will be okay and so will the baby. Everything will be okay. Everything.

* * *

 **Once again, anything you may recognize from Downton I do not own. Thanks!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Allo allo! I can not thank you guys enough for all of your lovely reviews! It always means a lot, and I'm so glad you guys are enjoying. I'm always excited to hear what you readers have to say, so thank you very much for reading! Enjoy!**

* * *

News of the pregnancy had made its way around Downton Abbey quite quickly. It was first announced when the family was all together in the drawing room, and it was certainly a surprise. Sybil, as expected, was bursting with joy at the prospect of being an older sister, and the rest of the family seemed quite pleased. However, there was a certain sadness that plagued them that night. Everyone felt sorry for Cora, though they didn't dare say a word about the subject, they wore the pity on their faces. Robert was not here for her. He was fighting in a war. And Cora, Cora had a war of her own. It was the fight against herself, her body. There are a substantial amount of health concerns at her age, not including the fact that Cora refuses to take proper care of herself while Robert is gone. Still, the idea of a new little Crawley was magical, and the family rejoiced at the thought. The servants were of course excited as well. A little baby in the house could bring some much needed excitement and hope. The war had turned the world into a dreadful place. It was as if every day was a storm, and everyone had forgotten what the sun looked like. Yes, something exciting could do everyone some good.

"I wonder what will happen if the baby is a boy?"

"What do you mean by that Mrs. Patmore?"

"I mean if it is a boy, Mr. Crawley won't be the heir anymore. What would happen to him?" Mrs. Hughes didn't know how to answer the question. What would happen to him? Would he go back to Manchester? What would happen with him and Lady Mary? So many questions with nobody to answer them.

"How should I know." Mrs. Patmore lets out a long, exasperated sigh at her words. Wiping her dirty hands on her apron she strode towards the door, turning around one last time.

"Elsie Hughes, the woman of answers," she chuckled softly at her own words before taking to the stairs, shouting down "I guess only time can tell!" Her words were very true, at this moment everyone was under the cruel control of time. Elsie began to make her way down the corridor to the familiar room, hoping to find Mr. Carson there. Knocking softly before opening the door, she heard a quick "come in" and was met by the stoic face of the butler. Closing the door behind her, she felt a bit more relaxed now.

"Quite a busy day, wasn't it Mr. Carson?"

"Yes, quite busy indeed. Is there anything I can help you with?"

"Just wanted to talk a bit. How was Her Ladyship today?"

"She seemed perfectly fine. Why would she not be?"

"Because unlike what you wish to believe, they aren't gods." Mr. Carson seemed slightly taken back by her words, though it gave her a hint of amusement. "I only worry for the Lady of the house Mr. Carson, there is no harm in that."

"No, of course not." Elsie was trying so hard to avoid the subject of the war. It was all anybody talked about. She didn't want to listen to it anymore, all the bad news. All she could really hope for was that tragedy didn't have its evil clutches on Downton, and that it never will.

* * *

Mary was fuming with anger, or maybe it was sadness? She couldn't pinpoint what it was, the turmoil of emotions inside of her was too much to comprehend. The letter, that horrid letter was clutched between her palms. How did Matthew find out about Mr Pamuk? Who wrote to him? Did anyone else know? Of course not. It was only her Mama and Anna that knew. Unless they let the secret slip. Though frankly, it didn't matter anymore. Matthew didn't want her. She supposed it's fair, she was dishonest with him. And he was already slipping away from her, and if her sibling was a boy, it would change things. But, there was a chance that he would've proposed at Christmas and she wanted that. Sadly,Mary was defeated. She'd been reviewing the letter since this morning, trying to see if she'd misunderstood. But no, he was perfectly clear with her, and now, it was time to accept her defeat. She knew her mother was in the library, and she needed to speak wit her. Did her mother tell her secret? Mama was always one for good gossip, but it didn't sound like her. Mary still had to ask, she had to figure out who it was.

Mary's hand had just clasped the cold doorknob of the heavy wood door before she felt a warm hand on her shoulder. Granny was there, obviously she was just about to leave for the night as she was bundled up in her coat.

"Mary, your mother has been a bit irritable these past few days. If I were you I'd think carefully about what to say. Goodnight dear." With that she made her way out of the abbey and Mary opened to door, striding into the library. She caught sight of her mother, as usual sitting at her fathers desk working. The dimly lit room seemed to reflect her mother's mood, as she wore the same defeated look that Mary did.

"Mama..." Her mother bounded out of her chair at the sound of her name, putting on a brave face for her eldest daughter. She wore the same expression a lot now, and Mary could see right through it, the pain in her mothers eyes. She noticed the curve of her mothers stomach, barely there but noticeable. It had been a couple weeks since the announcement, and Mary hadn't really processed it. She saw it as something that could ruin her and Matthew, but now with Matthew out of the picture she could think clearly. The baby was always a complication to her, and she tried so hard to forget about it. Though now, she doesn't think of it as a complication. Poor Mama and Papa, it must be so hard on both of them. Mama was already overly stressed and overworked. Mary saw the monstrosity of papers sitting in her fathers desk and suddenly, the urge to lash out on her mother had faded. "Let me help you-"

"Mary I'm perfectly capable of doing my own work, it isn't your problem."

"But surely you need-"

"I don't need anything Mary. And especially not your pity. I'm quite sick of being treated like an invalid, so let me worry about my own problems." Mama's voice was quite raised and she was clearly frustrated. Granny was right, she was very irritable. This wasn't like her Mama at all, her sweet, soft Mama. Their relationship had always been a strained one, but Mary still knew her very well. It wasn't really her talking, it was the stress, the hormones, everything. Mary noticed her mother's shaking hands, the dark circles under her eyes, the distant gaze she held. She was so far away, and she wanted her back. Mary reached out to grab her mother's trembling hand to still it. Her hand was cold as ice.

"Mama, let everybody help you, please."

"My darling girl, I'm so sorry about what I said. I didn't really mean it."

"Mama it doesn't bother me. You know that. Just please, don't push yourself too hard, I know Papa would agree with me." Mary knew she had her mother beat, and she was right. If Papa were here, he would be constantly on Mama's case and would be highly overprotective. Hearing her mother's long sigh of defeat, she made her way out of the library. It was a relief to her to see that her mother followed her out into the quiet halls. If anything happened to her, what would happen to everyone else?

* * *

Robert lay awake in his cot, exhausted yet horrified. The day has been filled with death, and he's witnessed it all. There had been a failed raid in the trenches, and there were so many brave men lost. Some of them were sent to the rear lines for further medical care. Blood. So much blood. Their once pristine uniforms now soiled, and that wasn't the worst of it. He was then reminded why he was here, so that this would not be the fate of England. He was here to make sure that his country was safe, that his friends and family were safe. They would never have to witness the havoc and horror that he's seen. Robert was drifting away in exhaustion, he rolled over onto his side and closed his eyes tightly. All he could see was the scarlet stain of blood on his hands...

 _He was suddenly at the abbey, though it didn't seem like his home. The stormy clouds above left the large home looking awfully gloomy and there was nobody outside. As he was walking down the familiar rocky pathway, he noticed how odd the estate seemed. He'd lived her his whole life, and in this particular day it seemed foreign. Oddly enough he saw the door open. There was nobody even watching it, something was wrong. There wasn't a single servant or family member in sight. What time is it? Maybe they are still asleep? Yes, that's it, everyone isn't up yet. With that in mind he ascended the stairs to Cora's room, hoping to find her awake. However when he opened the door he was met with a familiar scent he had learned to fear. He saw Cora's body resting on the bed, limp, pale, and covered in blood, a still hand resting on her large belly. He made a mad dash over to where she lay and grabbed her other hand, it was so cold, so lifeless._

 _"Cora!" His voice wavered as her name rolled off his tongue. He gripped her shoulders tightly, shaking her a bit. "Wake up darling"_  
 _He noticed the lack of a pulse within her, and as he picked her up her head fell backwards._

 _"No, No!" Robert pulled her body into his lap, her large pregnancy figure making her heavier than usual. He hugged her closely, one hand wrapped around her stomach holding her to him, the other cradling her head into his neck. His endless tears soaking her nightgown. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry for anything I've ever done... please... come back Cora..." Her body shook in his trembling arms and he closed his eyes, he rocked her lifeless body back and forth. He didn't care what he looked like, covered in his wife's blood, he was broken. His tear stricken face wasn't enough to express his emotions. She had slipped away from him, she was gone... he never said goodbye..._

Robert's own crying was enough to wake him. Another nightmare, that's all it was. Though his current state was enough to suggest it was something more. Why was he having these dreams? Cora wasn't gone, he'd received a letter today, proof that she was alright. He found himself suddenly angry at his own thought, he couldn't pass this over. He needed to be there for her, especially when the baby is born. He will find a way to leave this wretched place, and he will be with her permanently. Thinking about going home reminded him that he would be on leave for the holiday season. Sadly, he didn't get as much time as he'd hoped. He would do something about that, when the morning came though. For the time being, he grabbed the letter Cora sent him to announce her pregnancy, running his hands over the fragile paper. He examined her elegant writing, he could picture her writing it, perched on her chair at her desk. Cora. His angel. His lips formed a small grin at the thought of her. Cora, his only reason.

* * *

 **Anything you may recognize from DA I do NOT own. Thanks!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I am so sorry for not updating sooner, I know it can be so painful waiting for updates. I had it ready to be updated a while ago but I decided I wasn't happy with the chapter and I've been re-jigging it a lot. Anyways, thank you for putting up with me and thank you for reading. I'm so glad you guys are enjoying the story, anyways happy reading!**

* * *

Downton began to feel alive again, Christmas was right around the corner and the blissful time of year brought much needed news for Cora. She's been looking forward to Christmas for a long time, but not because of the holiday itself. No, it was because of Robert, he was on leave for the holiday season and she was internally leaping out of joy. Christmas was a week away and she was truly feeling the magic of the season. The light snowfall blanketed the English countryside with a glistening coat of soft snow and the grey skies of winter weren't dulling anyone's mood. As Cora came down the grand staircase, she noticed Sybil was already elbow deep in Christmas decorations. Cora chuckled softly at the sight, Sybil's favourite time of year had always been Christmas, ever since she was a little girl. She remembers her youngest daughter's first Christmas from all those years ago. The little girl would squirm in her arms at the sight of any Christmas decorations. It was comforting to Cora to see that she was very much the same, because the world seemed to be changing almost too fast for her to keep up. Sybil began to climb up the ladder to place ornaments on the Christmas tree, as she noticed Cora coming down the stairs her smile stretched a bit further.

"Good morning Mama! How are you feeling today?" Sybil, so sweet and caring, she always worried about Cora. Even though Cora always noted that Sybil shouldn't have to care for her.

"I'm quite well, thank you Sybil dear. You must've gotten up early to start with the Christmas decorating, correct?"

"Of course! Oh, Mama when will Papa be home?"

"Three days." Cora's smile was truly genuine when she uttered those words. Robert would be home, safe inside the safe walls of Downton. He is coming home, only temporarily, but she hadn't seen him since the end of July which is a terribly long time to be away from each other. Cora began to make her way to the library, she had to go through all the paperwork piled on top of the desk. Robert would be horrified to see that she was doing his work in her condition. She was about five months pregnant and to be perfectly honest she wasn't feeling quite well. She wasn't as sick as she used to be, but she would still feel a bit ill from time to time. She had a constant back pain and the hormones were already driving her, and the rest of the family, crazy. She would experience sudden mood swings all the time and even though she was only five months, she was sick of it. She could tell she was driving the family mad, but she couldn't help it and only Robert would truly understand her. She was so insecure without him here with her, so lost.

* * *

The bright sunlight trickled through the cloudy skies of Downton, and the light layer of snow sparkled when the light touched it. As he stepped off the train, he took a long, deep breath, inhaling the cool air. For the first time in a while, it didn't smell of smoke, or death for that matter. The horrors of the war hadn't reached his home and he was incredibly thankful. He was arriving home from the horrid battlefield three days early. He hadn't told anybody, he wanted it to be a complete surprise, though he hoped it would go as planned, or it would lead to an awkward situation. He applied for early leave and thank god he got it, his family was awaiting him. Cora, his pregnant wife was waiting for him, and coming home early would be quite a lovely surprise. The motor soon that he had called for soon picked him up from the station. The driver was slightly confused when he noticed that it was Lord Grantham who called him, he obviously expected Robert to have his own chauffeur pick him up. Though Robert took the little baggage he had and hopped into the car, simply bursting with excitement. As they pulled onto the familiar drive, he began to feel like a child on Christmas morning. Giddy, elated and grinning madly. Robert took a deep breath as the vehicle made its way in front of the abbey, and he lightly clapped his hands together when the car came to a full stop. As he climbed out, the medals on his uniform clinked together and he heard the familiar crunch of gravel beneath his feet. Yes, he was home. Though he was slightly afraid that Cora wouldn't even be there. What if she was out? No, Cora would be there, he only felt this sense of belonging at home when Cora was with him. He grabbed his one small trunk, dismissing the driver and insisting he didn't need him to take in indoors. Robert knocked on the large front door to be greeted with a surprised expression from Carson.

"Milord, you're back! We weren't expecting you for another three days, or else we would have all been here to receive you."

"Don't bother about it Carson, I managed to get early leave and didn't have time to write." Robert made his way inside and the door closed behind him. He noticed the great hall was already decorated and he suspected most of it was the work of dear Sybil. "Carson where is everyone today?"

"Lady Mary, Lady Edith and Lady Sybil have all gone to Ripon for the day. Also, I do believe Her Ladyship is in the library."

"Thank you so very much Carson."

"I shall go inform the servants of your arrival," and with that Carson made his way downstairs and Robert was simply standing in the entryway, staring into the great hall. He was about to seek out Cora, but then he saw her rushing across the hall.

"Cora!" Her name delicately rolled off his tongue and echoed through the great hall. She swiftly turned around on her heels and almost fell back when she saw him, letting out a small gasp. He could see her better now, her majestic eyes, her ivory skin, her lovely dark curls pinned up with care. He also noticed the bump of her stomach, and his face softened at the sight. Robert began to make a mad dash towards her, and as he got closer he noticed the tears spilling over her eyes. Soon enough, though it felt like forever, Cora was in his embrace once more. Their arms wrapped around each other and Robert felt is own eyes starting to prick as he heard Cora's muffled tears of joy. His arms held on to her tightly, and as he pressed her body to his he could feel the small bump against his own stomach.

"Robert, you're here. I can't believe it. I've been waiting for this for so long"

"Me too Cora, me too," and with that he quickly brought Cora's head into the crock of his neck and kissed her forehead. They were slowly swaying back and forth while Cora's tears cascaded down her face. Robert didn't know how long they'd been embracing already, and frankly he didn't care. The two of them could stay like this forever.

* * *

Carson immediately rushed down the stairs to tell everyone the good news. His Lordship was home three days early, he knows that everyone's spirits will immediately be brightened. As he made his way downstairs the silence he found wasn't unusual, but in fact completely normal. The war had made for dismal conversations in the servants hall, no one wanted to talk about it but somehow that seemed the only subject worth talking about. Yet Carson finally had some news to share that will return the liveliness that was usually found downstairs. As Carson strode into the room everyone stood and looked at him, attempting to read his face to know what kind of news awaits them.

"I have excellent news, His Lordship is back three days early." The servants all let out a sigh of relief and began to softly cheer. One of their own was home, it was a joyous moment in the servants hall. "But this also means that the house is in full order once again so we should all get to work. Oh, Mr Bates Lord Grantham's bag is in the entrance hall. "With the cheery announcement delivered he made his way upstairs to help get His Lordship settled. As he turned into the grand hallway he noticed that it was still occupied. There he saw His Lordship tightly embracing Her Ladyship, they both didn't notice he was there. Carson just decided to come back later, not wanting to disturb their happy reunion.

* * *

"Yes, that's everything. Thank you Bates, goodnight to you." Robert was in a hurry to leave his dressing room so he could curl up beside Cora. He's been dying to feel her next to him for months and now the time has finally come. As he burst into her bedroom, he was relieved that O'Brien had already left and he didn't have to wait on her. What he was in front of him was magical, Cora was sitting at her vanity, dressing gown draped over her shoulders and dark curls cascading down her back. She immediately noticed his presence and stood up to meet him.

"Oh Cora, how I missed you." Robert took extra time to admire his wife. God, she was enchanting. The curve of her stomach was even more apparent when it was not being covered by the thick fabric of her dresses.

"We all missed you Robert, the girls were all so happy when they saw you. It reminded me of when they were little."

"Yes, I think Mama was even shocked" Robert chuckled.

"Does anything really shock her" Cora giggled back at him. He missed this, laughing with his wife. Talking with her, hearing her delicate voice. As they climbed into bed their eyes met and they both smiled at each other, turns out the holidays were truly magical. Robert lay in the bed and was content feeling the warmth of Cora next to him, he wasn't cold anymore, not with her there.

"How are you feeling?" He never got to ask her about the pregnancy earlier, they didn't have much time alone before social convention interrupted them. Though as an Englishman, it was sometimes hard to ask about these things, he wanted to know.

"I'm holding up. Though I'm always tired and the sickness hasn't stopped yet, which is odd because it is usually gone by the end of five months. And the worst part is that these hormones are driving the family and myself mad." Cora let out a large huff as she finished with her rant and her hand went to rest on her stomach. Robert was about to speak but it turns out she wasn't finished, "Also time where my wardrobe will have to be drastically altered is coming, oh Robert I don't want to be fat again."

"Cora you won't be fat, don't think of it like that. You'll be glowing, and you will be happy and I will be admiring you every step of the way." Cora smiled at this, he loved to make her smile and to see her eyes light up. Robert clasped her hand that was resting on her stomach and rubbed his thumb over her palm. Soon enough Cora snuggled up against him and fell asleep, he then turned out his own light and pulled the covers up. One of his hands was lightly rubbing her stomach, and he felt her body relax under his touch. Soon enough, they were both fast asleep, finally at peace in each other's arms.

* * *

 **Once again, anything recognizable from Downton Abbey I do not own.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hello again guys! I've been doing lots of studying recently but I managed to find time for an update (yay!). I always get so excited when it's time to update, I'm so glad you guys are enjoying the story and thank you so much for all of your lovely feedback and support! Enjoy!**

* * *

Robert woke up quite early the next morning in a complete state of bliss, he hadn't slept that well in months. In his lonely cot, he would grow cold and he would often toss and turn all night. However when he was lying next to Cora in the soft sheets of their bed, he was warm. His heart was warm, feeling the body heat of his lovely wife next to him and the two of them would cuddle up against each other. Most of the time, Robert simply wanted to hold his wife, to watch the exquisite creature he is married to. He wanted to keep her warm and safe, but above all he wanted to keep her happy. In his state of morning haze, Robert drowsily reached over to wrap his arms around Cora but he was met with an empty space. Panic set in immediately, he really hoped this wasn't another nightmare. Robert quickly sat up in the bed, searching for his slippers and dressing gown. However before he could stand up, Cora slowly emerged from the washroom looking rather pale.

"Cora it's still quite early, what are you doing up?"

"Just a slight touch of nausea, I'm fine darling you can go back to bed for a couple hours more." Cora climbed back into bed quite slowly, her movements a bit shaky.

"Cora you need the sleep more than I do, you don't look well."

"Robert, don't be silly I'm perfectly alright."

"No Cora you're not. I've noticed the dark circles under your eyes, how your smile isn't as bright as it used to be and you are ghoulishly pale. Not to mention that you feel almost thinner and malnourished, though you are supposed to be the opposite. So no Cora, you aren't fine and please don't try to deny it, not to me."

"Robert it's just the baby-"

"Cora I understand that some things happen because you are pregnant. However it seems as though you aren't eating and sleeping properly." It seems this time he had defeated Cora, her shoulders fell as she sat perched on the edge of the bed.

"I'm sorry" Tears began to fall from her bright blue eyes. Robert opened his strong arms and she lied down on the bed easing her way into his embrace.

"Cora you don't need to apologize, I just want you to be alright. I don't know what I'd do if anything were to happen to you." Robert stroked her hair, then the thought of the baby having Cora's hair slid into his mind and it made him ever so happy. At the same time, he was afraid that if he didn't take care of her the nightmares would come true, it would be all his fault.

"To be honest Robert, I do need to apologize. You are supposed to be on leave and I am obviously stressing you out with all of my minor problems."

"Nonsense Cora, your problems are priority to me."

"Darling, don't feel as if you need to flatter me. Either way I will quite irritable, or so I'm told."

"You deserve to be flattered Cora, truly."

* * *

Sybil was bursting with an immeasurable amount of joy to which she began to feel like a little girl again. She remembered when Papa would come home from the war to visit, and then when he came home for good. She could remember Mary and Edith, still quite young but they constantly pretended to be older than they were, especially Mary. Sybil could remember herself as a little girl standing beside Mama clutching her skirts, waiting for her Papa to return. She remembered her young, beautiful Mama explaining the situation to them, though of course she would leave certain details out. However, now Sybil and her sisters were all old enough to understand the horrors, the unprotected truth of the cruel world. She knew very well why her Mama was so depressed and out of sorts. Papa was older now, less fit for the trials of war, and Mama knew that. Of course, with a new baby on the way in these circumstances didn't help her stress levels. Sybil would look after her Mama from afar, after all, Mama has spent 18 years of her life looking after her. Though Sybil could now take a break because Papa was on leave, she knew he would be quite protective of Mama. Thinking of Papa, she noticed his voice coming from the library, along with the delicate voice of Mama. Sybil came in to join them, and noticed that they were happy, which was quite a rare sight in the house these days. Sybil sat across from her Mama and Papa on the sofas, simply talking about current events over a warm cup of tea.

"So have you come up with any names for the baby yet?" The couple exchanged a surprised look at each other, obviously they hadn't thought about the answer to her question.

"To be honest, we haven't talked about it." Her mother replies delicately.

"Hm, we'll do you think you'd choose the name after Grandpapa if it were to be a boy?"

"Well, cousin Patrick was already named after my father so that's out of the question" Her father seemed pretty certain that he would not use the name Patrick, the Titanic incident had only been just over two years ago.

"And of course we wouldn't use my fathers name." Her mother also seemed certain of that, and she answered with a slight chuckle. Sybil instantly wanted to know more, her mother was not the type to talk about herself. As young girls, her and her sisters noticed how Mama was different from other people. She spoke differently, she was more attached and emotional, more calm and caring. The only thing they knew about their mother was that she was American, and of course Sybil and her sisters always wanted to hear about when Mama and Papa met. It all seemed so surreal to them, the large ballroom, the most luxurious clothes and so many fine people waiting to meet someone special. And her Mama and Papa managed to find each other, it was always a magical tale. However all these years later, sitting in the library, Sybil longed to know more.

"Why wouldn't you use his name?"

"Well, there are the obvious reasons but I'm fairly sure it would somehow haunt your father." Mama smiled up at Papa, they both chuckled together softly. "You see Sybil, my father didn't exactly like your father and I'm fairly sure that my father sent multiple threats to him"

"Why would he threaten Papa?"

"Oh, here we g-"

"Robert, please." Her mother managed to quickly silence her father with a laugh. The two of them had twinkling eyes, thinking of times gone by too fast. "My father thought of your father as the horrid man who stole his daughter. And well... sent some warnings to him."

"Oh, poor Papa." The three of them were laughing now, quite loudly too. Sybil could picture her young Papa opening a letter to see very strict warnings inked across the delicate paper. "Were you very close to your Papa, Mama?"

"I was much closer to him than to my mother, it considerably hurt him when I decided to leave America." At that moment Mary strolled into the room with her signature scowl on her face. Ever since she got that letter from Matthew, she's been more wicked than ever.

"I heard the mention of Grandmama. Is the American contingent going to be here for Christmas?" Mary's sarcastic tones vibrated through the room.

"No, I don't think my mother would leave my brother alone on Christmas. That's a bit too over the top, even for her."

"Why doesn't Uncle Harold just come here? We've never even met him."

"You're not missing much Sybil" Robert interjected with a light chuckle.

"Robert." Cora sighed. "Sybil, my brother just hates leaving America, I honestly don't believe that anything could bring him here."

"Well Mama, it's interesting knowing about our mysterious uncle, tell us more." Mary smiled at her own statement, though with a hint of her signature sarcasm.

"There isn't much to know about him, he's not very interesting. Anyways, I think it's time we start getting ready for dinner." With that the three ladies rises from the couches and swiftly exited the room, leaving Robert behind for a bit.

* * *

On Roberts way upstairs, he sought out Carson, whom he had a very important question to ask. He knew Carson would tell him anything that he wanted to know, more than Cora would tell him right now.

"Carson?"

"Yes Milord?"

"As you know, Her Ladyship has been taking up some of my work, as well as her own, while I've been away. And I want to know, how much work has she been doing really?"

"Well Milord, it seems that Her Ladyship has taken up all of your work, as well as her own while you have been away."

"How hard is she working, it's it gobs of work?"

"I have found Lady Grantham, on multiple occasions working long into the night. She's fallen asleep at the desk in the library, but she insists on completing it." Robert could tell Carson felt dishonourable for telling him all of these details about Cora. But he had spoken with O'Brien earlier and now all of the puzzle pieces connected. He knew she wasn't getting sleep and wasn't eating, and now he knew why, she was working. Doing his work and hers. Robert help but feel guilty at the realization that he truly left everybody behind. He left Cora to do his job like some fool and he almost wanted to slap himself for it.

"Alright, thank you Carson."

* * *

"Cora"

"Robert"

"You look very nice this evening"

"Robert don't be silly, I'm beginning to look even larger." Cora let out a long, heavy sigh. She never liked how she looked during pregnancy. Some ladies thought it was beautiful, but Cora found herself feeling incredibly insecure, but luckily she had Robert to make her feel better about herself. Climbing into bed beside her husband, she felt the warmth emanating from his body and once again, she wanted to curl up against him. He was the only one, only thing, that could truly keep her warm during the long winter. As lay back, Roberts comforting tones filled the room.

"Should we begin talking about names?"

"Robert it's still pretty early for that"

"Yes, but when else are we going to do it. I would like to have it decided before the festivities begin and we all become distracted. And of course before I go back to war." Cora felt a slight shiver when he mentioned the war. She tried to forget that he would have to go back to that horrible place, and that the bliss she was feeling was only temporary.

"Alright Robert, do you have any suggestions?"

"I like the name Alice for a girl, what do you think?"

"I think it's lovely. Alice Margaret Crawley."

"Do you have any suggestions for a boy Cora?" Cora could see how Robert was a bit more excited to discuss the boys names. His palms rubbed together a bit in excitement. Though Cora was also more excited to talk about boys names because in the back of her mind, she longed for a son.

"I was thinking William Robert Crawley for a little boy."

"We'd give him my name as a middle name?"

"Well, you did give Sybil mine, so if we have a boy, he can have yours." Her husband smiled a bit at the prospect.

"Alright. Alice Margaret Crawley or William Robert Crawley." Robert stated as he placed a gentle hand on her growing abdomen. His large palm covering her belly rubbing it gently, and Cora felt the temporary bliss she longed to be permanent.

* * *

 **Once again, anything you may recognize from Downton Abbey, I do NOT own. Thanks!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I'm going to make this short and sweet, thank you so much for all of the lovely feedback and I am so happy to have awesome readers such as yourselves! Anyways, cherish this chapter and happy reading!**

* * *

Downton Abbey was once again a winter wonderland in full swing. With just two days until Christmas, preparations for the celebration were complete and soon the stately home would be alive with holiday cheer. Dinner was a rather cheerful affair, everyone was so busy talking about the holidays and nothing else. No war. That's all Robert cared about, he just wanted a normal holiday with his family. Cora was smiling at him from across the table for the entire dinner, mostly because Sybil was so cheerful she couldn't help laughing a bit. However Robert knew she was happy at the moment, her eyes were lit up like they used to be, before he left. She also looked gorgeous tonight, she was glowing. Her small bump caressed by the luxurious fabric of her dress. His wife definitely needed some pampering, and that is what he had planned.

Robert now found himself standing in the hall, Cora would be coming soon. Mama had already left and the girls had just gone upstairs, so Cora shouldn't be far behind. Just at that moment, Cora strode into the hall and met him with her bright smile.

"Are you coming upstairs?"

"Actually no, I'm not. Take my hand." Robert held out his large hand to her and she simply stared at him.

"May I ask why?" She continued stare at him curiously, wondering what mischief her husband was up to.

"Just take my hand" With that Cora's hand became clasped in his and he led her towards the door. Cora was surprised to see Bates and O'Brien holding their coats and not the normal footman. Robert and Cora both bundled up in their winter wear and the whole time Cora stared at Robert, trying to guess what was going on. However Robert wasn't giving her any hints, though he was smiling widely at her the whole time. The two of them linked hands once more and he led her outside where much to Cora's surprise, the car was not waiting for them. Instead a lovely carriage was waiting. Robert stood by the carriage to help Cora up.

"M'lady." Robert chuckled and Cora giggled at his little joke. Putting her hand in his, she stepped up and Robert put a supportive hand on her lower back to help her up.

"Robert, this is spectacular!" It really was spectacular. The night made it so the moon was the brightest thing in the sky, and it wasn't very cold. It was snowing lightly and the small snowflakes would dance around, some landing on Cora's delicate face. Robert thought the scene before him was more beautiful than anything in an art gallery.

"Are you comfortable Cora?"

"Oh yes, I'm fine." The carriage moved down the drive, the horses hooves crunching in the light layer of snow. When they past a certain clearing, a special memory came to both of them.

"Cora remember this clearing?"

"How could I forget. That one tree over there holds a special memory. I think that was the first time I had been kissed up against a tree." Cora laughed, the angelic chords of her voice filling the empty space.

"Well, I just couldn't contain myself with you in that purple dress. And of course that time we had a picnic out here with the girls."

"Oh yes! Mary tried to lose Edith in their game of hide and seek, making her hide all the way in the far corner. Sybil spent so much time just trying to find Edith." The two of them broke out into complete laughter, not caring if the driver heard what they were saying. Cora soon let out a long sigh, resting a gloved hand near her abdomen. "I hope the new baby isn't as big of a handful as the girls were."

"God save us all if it is." Cora simply rested her head on his shoulder, and Robert turned his head to kiss her forehead. Eventually, Robert felt Cora shiver a bit up against him, her gloved hands tightly wrapped in his own. "Darling, are you cold?"

"No Robert I'm perfectly alright."

"Cora, I know you are cold. Here," Robert then pulled out a soft blanket from beside him and placed it over his lovely wife. She looked so beautiful, the light from the lanterns on the carriage gave her ivory skin a soft glow. Her majestic eyes staring him down, making his breath catch in his throat. Robert couldn't resist her. He quickly leaned in and captured her lips in his, one hand on her cheek and the other hand around her waist. Her own hands quickly responded to the kiss, one resting on his chest and the other twirling the hair at the nape of his neck. He loved the sensation of her hands on him and he leaned in more, dipping his tongue in between her lips. He relished in tasting her, feeling her. The kiss seemed to last forever until they gently broke apart from each other. He felt empty at the loss of contact, her plump lips taunting him. However he didn't kiss her, instead he would save that desperate kiss for a better time. Soon enough, they had arrived back at Downton, the carriage driver helped them both out and proceeded back to the village at Robert's request.

"Darling-" Cora began but was soon cut off by another kiss, not as intense as the previous one, just a light brush of her lips. Robert noticed how she was enjoying this as much as he was. "Robert darling, how are we supposed to get in this late at night?"

"Hm. I don't think I thought about that. Well, I guess we will have to take the servants entrance. It's usually unlocked for the night staff at this time."  
"I do hope it's unlocked." Once again Robert clasped Cora's glove clad hand and led her around back. Thankfully the door was unlocked and her cracked it open slowly hoping not to make a noise. "It's like we are criminals Robert, breaking and entering into a home." Cora was trying not to laugh and cause a ruckus.

"Well, it is our home Cora, so really we are just entering. And we didn't break anything."

"All these years later and it's like you never grew up." The two of them were now both trying to suppress laughter, sneaking around in the servants halls. When Robert reached the stairs, he was stunned to see that Cora was no longer trailing behind him. Instead, she emerged from the kitchen holding a handful of biscuits.

"Blame the baby Robert." Robert just awed at his wife as she passed by him heading upstairs to the confinement of their bedroom. The couple soon found warmth under the sheets lying next to each other, enjoying the magic of the holidays.

* * *

Christmas Eve was finally upon them. Rosamund had arrived at Downton earlier in the day bringing some London cheer to the house. Of course the festivities had already started the minute Sybil started singing her favourite carols around the house, Edith soon joining her. However, Mary's Christmas cheer had been dampened when she saw Matthew. The two of them hadn't really talked to each other, and even now at dinner they were awfully silent. However the feast of the table was a lively bustle of conversation, something Cora always liked to hear. The food was delicious and with Mary silent, Edith felt free to be herself without her sister attacking her. To Cora, they were still children with their immature arguing. However it didn't matter in the end because everyone was having a wonderful time. After they had retreated from the dining room, it seemed that the festivities were still in full swing and Cora found herself standing next to her darling husband.

"Robert, I'm warning you now to not drink anymore."

"Cora, it's Christmas I can indulge a bit."

"Ro-"

"She's right brother." Rosamund interjected. "We don't want to repeat some of the awkward situations from previous years."

"Thank you Rosamund." Cora replied while giving a warning glare to Robert.

"Cora, you look wonderful, I'm quite excited at the prospect of another niece or nephew." With a "thank you" and a smile, Cora went to join the others near the sofas. She lowered herself into a chair next to Edith and it seemed as though the family talked forever. Though Cora was soon distracted from the conversation when she felt a familiar sensation in her stomach. A flutter. Then a small poke. Her jaw dropped a bit as she felt it become stronger. The baby's first movements, it had been so long since she had felt this. Robert obviously noticed her excitement because when she looked up his gaze met hers. He was more focused on her than what Matthew was saying and she slowly mouthed _"The baby is kicking"_ to him. A wide smile stretched across his face and he resumed his conversation with a newfound excitement.

* * *

Robert couldn't seem to focus the rest of the night after what Cora had mouthed to him. He'd spent the rest of the evening wanting to lie in bed with her, and now he finally could. As soon as he dismissed Bates, wishing him a happy Christmas, he made his way to Cora. Opening the adjoining door in a frenzy, he barged in and closed it quickly behind him, almost dashing over to the bed.

"Robert. The baby kicked for the first time." Cora looked like she was almost in tears, tears of joy of course, but she was overflowing with emotions.

"Has the kicking stopped?"

"Yes, almost immediately after it started." Robert was somewhat disappointed when she told them the baby had only kicked briefly. He knew that Cora became frustrated when the baby kept her from sleeping, but he so desperately wanted to feel their child.

"Well, maybe the baby will kick again soon. Do you want me to read aloud again?"

"Please darling." With that Robert sat propped up against a bunch of feather pillows with Cora nestled in close to him. He picked up his novel from the nightstand and began to read, Cora's steady breathing in the background. He would often tilt his head to kiss her hair or her forehead and he kept one of his palms on Cora's stomach. As pages flipped by, Cora began to drift away into slumber. However she stirred awake when much to his excitement, he felt a slight pressure against his palm. Then, the pressure turned into a thump, a kick against his hand. A thump, from inside of her. Even with their fourth child, Robert was overwhelmed. It made everything so real, there was a life growing inside of his wife. Their child, that they managed to create out of love, a perfect blend of him and his wife. It was spectacular to realize that he hasn't been dreaming the whole thing, this little life is real. Robert brushed his hand back and forth across her stomach feeling scattered thumps on his hand. Cora would just smile at him, it seemed as though she finally remembered that this was all so real.

" _Happy_ Christmas Cora."

" _Merry_ Christmas Robert.

* * *

 **Anything recognizable from Downton Abbey is not my property.**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Allo! I'm sorry for the long wait, I had the chapter all ready but I completely forgot to hit the 'upload' button (oops) so it's been sitting on my computer for a couple of days. Anyways, it's here now so I hope you all enjoy. All reviews are welcome! Happy reading!**

* * *

January 1915

Robert had left Downton a couple of days after the New Year's celebrations, and it broke Cora into a million little pieces. Robert had left her to go back to that wretched place, and saying goodbye this time was worse than the first time. She was now just under six months pregnant and the already felt unwell. However with Robert gone, it's as if her other support had collapsed, leaving her lying in the dust. When Robert departed, she couldn't help thinking dark thoughts. What if the baby never got to truly meet it's Papa, and would never capture a memory of him. Cora found herself in a dark place, smoke clouded her thoughts. Usually she would put on a brave face around her family and at various events, but alone in her at night she would let herself feel. She would lie awake scared, almost like a child afraid of the storms. Every time a door would open, she would pray it wouldn't be Carson holding a telegram with a horrible message. She wasn't quite as alone in her work anymore though, Robert had made sure of that. He made sure that the girls helped out a bit, however she knew Rosamund was keeping a close eye on her. Same with her mother-in-law. She knew she had plenty of thugs to accomplish, but on this morning she found it very difficult to get out of bed. She was exhausted, as per usual, and of course she was feeling a bit more moody than usual. This pregnancy was taking a toll on her fragile body, and she was starting to lose herself mentally too. Soon enough she focused her attention to her bedside table and the letter that rested on it. Yesterday, she had received a letter from her mother and she was afraid to open it. Her mother loved to shock people, and Cora wasn't in the mood for an overly-dramatic letter from her mother. However, something told her to read it anyways. She carefully opened the envelope and unfolded the paper, letting her eyes rest on the familiar script of her mother.

 _Cora_

 _I hope everything is going well across the Atlantic, and that the illustrious Crawley's still stand proud. And before you worry, this isn't a letter telling you that I will come over for the birth. I do hope to see my new grandchild soon after they're born, however crossing the Atlantic at a time like this may prove difficult. Have no fear though, I will find a way._

Cora felt the need to roll her eyes at this. Her mother was always a force of nature.

 _News of the war is not good here, and I constantly think of you and Robert. I know you are probably stressed out right now, but don't be because that isn't good for the baby. I do find it odd for Robert to go to war with you in such delicate condition, but I also know that he must. Anyways I hope that the news you are receiving is more promising than the stuff we get here in America._

 _Now, you may have noticed the envelope to be rather thick. Well that's because I've sent something else along with my letter. It's a letter that your father wrote, for you. He wrote it a couple of days before he died and never got to post it. However you were never meant to read it right away, he made a note saying to only open the letter when you are feeling awfully depressed. I've attached it now in case you may feel the need to read it. I have no idea what it says, I've never opened it or even seen it for that matter. I only just remembered I had it, I thought something like this, especially coming from your father, would help you through these times._

 _Your mother,_  
 _Martha_

 _P.S: Harold sends his best wishes._

Cora put her mother's letter aside and carefully picked up the other one. Her father's letter was weathered and delicate, but seemed to have a lot of weight to it. Not wanting to read it now, she carefully put it aside in one of her drawers, making sure it was safe. She hoped she would never have to read that letter.

* * *

 _"Mary?"  
_

 _"Yes Papa?"  
_

 _"May I please speak with you for a bit, in the library?"  
_

 _"Of course." Mary followed her Papa into the library, it was time to head up after dinner and she was wondering why he wanted to talk to her in a secluded area, especially at this time of night. Had he found out about Pamuk? Hopefully not, that would be an absolute catastrophe. Mary began to examine him further. No, her poor Papa seemed to have something else on his mind.  
_

 _"Mary I have a large favour to ask of you."  
_

 _"Oh dear, Papa I'm intrigued you must tell me."  
_

 _"I want you to make sure that your mother doesn't fall apart. Just keep an eye on her, she's awfully stressed."  
_

 _"I don't really have a problem with it. She probably won't need my help anyways, but I do have one question. Why pick me? Why not ask Sybil or even Edith to be the caring one?"  
_

 _"Because Mary, contrary to what you think, you are not a heartless person. Sybil is awfully distracted at the moment and Edith's mind seems to be in other places. You are my eldest child, and I'm asking you this favour. So please, make sure your mother is alright. She will insist that she doesn't need help, but get her help. And I know that you are distraught over your falling out with Matthew, but that will pass. And it may help to keep your mind on other things for a while."  
_

 _"Well, I must say that was quite an impressive speech Papa." Her Papa wasn't always the emotional type, but obviously his family brought a bit of that emotion out. She could tell that he was torn at the idea of leaving tomorrow, but there was nothing he could do. Nothing anybody could do. "Alright Papa, Downton and everyone in it will still stand proud and strong once you return."  
_

 _"Thank you Mary, really."  
_  
Mary could easily remember the conversation with her Papa that night. He didn't appear nervous about going back, he was always strong. He their protector, so brave and powerful. However she somehow knew that he was incredibly scared for what would happen, she knew Matthew felt the same way even if he never spoke to her. All of her young friends, her former suitors had all gone to war. News of the young men lost worried her, especially because her Papa was with them and he isn't as young as any of them. What if he didn't come back? What would happen to Mama? Her younger sibling? What if the new baby never met their Papa. No, she couldn't think like that, her new sibling will not grow up without a Papa. The world couldn't be that cruel.

* * *

Edith wasn't sure why, but she felt a certain pang of regret that was slowly eating her alive. She couldn't understand it. She shouldn't regret what she did to Mary, after all her older sister had tormented her since she herself was born. They never got along, and as a child she never truly cared.

 _Mary continued to chase Edith through the luxurious corridors in a fuming rage. Edith had messed with Mary's hair during the night as a payback to what Mary did to her dolls. Her older sister had woken up to see her hair all tangled and scruffy and she was more than frustrated with Edith. Even now in the early afternoon with her hair fixed, Mary was still out to get Edith. She couldn't see why her big sister was so angry, it was just a silly prank. Though Mary wasn't quite a fan of pranks when played on her. Before she knew it, Edith had ran ,as fast as she could with her small legs, around most of the house. She now found herself bolting into the library where she found her parents. Edith ran over to where Mama sat on the sofa and sprung herself beside her.  
_

 _"Careful Edith dear, we must be gentle with your Mama." Papa commented. He came and sat down next to her, twirling one of her loose curls around. Edith wrapped her small arms around her mama, or at least she tried to. Mama was rather large because there was soon to be a new baby, a new sibling for Edith to play with. She hoped that she would get along better with the new baby than she did with Mary. Yes, her new sibling would most definitely be her new favourite playmate._

Everything was different now, less simple. She felt as if what she did to Mary had completely altered her sister's path, Matthew's as well. It's not like when they were younger, though Edith wished she didn't have to deal with these meaningful problems now. She cared, maybe not a lot, but she cared. Mary was her sibling, her family, and so was Sybil. Soon, there would be another member of her family, another little Crawley to run around the halls. Edith felt herself thinking almost the same thoughts that she did in the library all those years ago. Her new sibling would be different, they would get along better. They would have nothing to fight about, they would simply love each other. She would care for her new sibling, in a sisterly kind of way. She knew Mary and Sybil would probably do the same, most likely Sybil. Maybe- she thought- the new baby would finally connect the rifts that separated them all.

* * *

 **Downton Abbey is owned by many people. Sadly, I am not one of them, so anything you may recognize from the show I do not own.**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Hello again everyone! So this past week was February 16th, Cora and Robert's anniversary! So this chapter is kind of a tribute to it. Anyways, the story is moving along and I'm so glad to have such lovely readers. Thank you so much and happy reading!**

* * *

February 16th, 1915

"Sir, I hope you don't mind me asking, but are you quite alright today?"

Robert let out a long sigh at the personal question. No, he really wasn't alright, it was February 16th. His wedding anniversary, his and Cora's. It was their anniversary and he wasn't with her, his pregnant wife was alone today. As she was every day, and it hurt him deeply to think such thoughts. Here he was, in his tent, not at Downton, not with her.

"No Thompson, I'm definitely not alright." His tone, he noted, was a bit too sharp as he saw the way the young man recoiled at his tone.

"I'm sorry for asking sir."  
"No no, I don't really mind, not in this situation at least." To be perfectly honest, Robert didn't really mind the young man. He didn't share a friendship with Thompson as he did Bates in the Boer War, but the young lad made good company. Robert would often think of himself when he looked at the bright young soldier. Thompson was only eighteen, far too young to be in this wretched place, Robert looked after him in a sort of fatherly way. Robert let out a long sigh before speaking again. "It's my wedding anniversary today."

"Well, congratulations sir. It must be hard, being away from your wife."

"Yes, the world is very different without her. She's American so she adds a certain excitement."

"Were you a frequent traveler to America, sir? Is that how you met her?"

"No. She was brought to London for her first season by her mother. I met her at a ball that summer. She was the only lady in the ballroom that was worth looking at." Robert chuckled softly. "I still remember when I first brought her to Downton."

"Sir, do you mean Downton Abbey?"

"Yes I do."

"My sister lives near that village with her family." Thompson scratched his hear for a moment as if he was trying to remember something. "Ah yes, the Earl and Countess of Grantham would be you and your wife then. I knew the title sounded familiar."

"Small world it seems."

"Oh, of course my sister speaks of only good things sir."

"I should hope so. Say, the next time you find yourself in Downton, let us know. However the house is soon going to be very busy."

"Of course, I remember you mentioning your wife being pregnant." Robert could only manage to nod in response. It made him feel better, talking about Cora. Somehow, it made him miss her less, it kept her feeling real. Sometimes, Robert would feel as if she was too good to be true, that she was only a figment of his imagination. Though talking about her, made him remember her beauty in all of this madness, keeping her close to him.

"Well Thompson, I'm afraid I must be getting on for the day. I shall see you later." With that, the boy left the confines of Robert's tent. Robert could finally focus on his work, though he couldn't help thinking about his letter. He'd sent it a couple days before their anniversary in hopes that it would arrive for her today. He knew it would brighten Cora's spirits, which she needed. In her last letter, Cora had described how utterly uncomfortable she was and her extreme exhaustion. He would often be the one to massage her back for her during her pregnancies. He was the one to help feed her cravings in the middle of the night. It was him who would help her wake up and fall asleep. Without him there, could she make it on her own?

* * *

Violet wasn't always a fan of Cora, even now, the two of them were more allies than friends. When her son had told her he would marry this American, she thought he was playing some boyish joke, though he was telling the truth. He had proposed to Cora for all of the wrong reasons. She was beautiful of course, but Robert couldn't seem to see behind the large fortune that came with her. She had always worried for the couple, thinking that they were ill suited and doomed to a life of misery. When Cora had Coke down the aisle at the wedding, her poor boy looked frantic. He was so scared, so nervous. He seemed fine to everyone else, but Violet and her late husband, Patrick had noticed his distress. Though now, looking at that same woman stride around the house, she was having trouble remembering the scared young lovers. No, now she saw something else, it had been the same since about 11 months after they married. They loved each other. And now, seeing Cora celebrate their anniversary alone, pregnant again, she felt a pang of empathy for her. Violet knew what it felt like to be separated from your loved one. Cora didn't deserve that, Robert wasn't done on this earth quite yet. No, her son had so much more of his life to live, with Cora by his side.

Dinners nowadays were awfully dull, Cora of course wasn't awfully chatty. Mary, Edith and Sybil were both too exhausted because of grief to make any sensible conversation. Most of their close friends were part of the war, and they were falling fast. The poor girls were constantly receiving bad news. Mary, had Matthew to worry over, and they still weren't on good terms. Cousin Isobel had even been distant lately, and she was usually one to start a rowdy conversation. The servants would stand around awkwardly, the only thing to hear being the sound of cutlery. The minute dinner was finished, Cora was quick to get away from the family. Violet decided to follow her for once, it was time they did something other than bicker with each other. Violet opened the door to the library to find Cora on the couch, gazing at the fire. The younger woman didn't bother to look up, her gaze was hollow as if her mind was in other places.

"Cora?"

"Oh, Mama, I'm terribly sorry I didn't see you there."

"No no, it's fine." Violet eyed the empty space next to Cora and her daughter in law and Cora nodded in return. Violet sat down on the sofa, immediately she noticed Cora's features. The dark circles under her eyes had reappeared since Robert had left in January. Another odd pang of sympathy blanketed Violet.

"I would like to apologize for our argument the other day. I don't even remember what it was about, but I'm pretty sure I instigated it."

"My dear, don't worry about the quarrels we have. You wouldn't be able to keep track of them all." Violet noticed the small smirk wash over Cora's face. Though her daughter-in-law quickly went back to staring into the flickering flames of the fire.

"He will be back Cora, you shouldn't stress so much, it's not good. The most important thing for you to do right now is look after yourself."

"Look after myself." Cora huffed at her words. "How should I look after myself, if you haven't noticed, I am not as oblivious as all of you are and I care for more people than just myself." Violet was astonished by the tone Cora was using with her. The hormones were probably playing a large roll, but still, the words that Cora spat almost stung a bit.

"I'm sorry." She apologized. "That was so terribly rude of me, I didn't even truly mean it."

"I understand my dear, really. However what you must remember is you sitting here like this isn't going to help, you can't help Robert from here. Worry about yourself and the baby for now, and let Robert direct himself." Violet slowly stood up, ready to head home. She quickly studied Cora once more in hopes to see if her spirit had been lightened, sadly the same empty gaze remained. As Violet headed for the large door, she patter Cora's shoulder ever so slightly, leaving a small bit of reassurance that everything would be alright.

* * *

 _Robert loved being able to kiss her, to touch her endlessly. Let his hands roam her soft and delicate curves. This is how he wanted to spend his anniversary, stealing kisses in the dark of the house, with his fingers caressing her waist. This year, the two of them went away for their anniversary to have some time of their own. Of course part of it was wanting to avoid waking everyone with their late night endeavours. Robert had teen her to the gallery, they'd simply gone for long strolls, had romantic dinners. Everything was so perfect. He considered himself a lucky man, who had a lovely wife, family and home. Who had seen more happiness than he had sadness, yes, he was very lucky. Robert decided it was finally time for sleep to claim him, and so he let it._

 _Cora was suddenly gone, so was their romantic candlelit room. Robert now found himself in the middle of the village square, back at home. He was awfully confused, wasn't he just with Cora? Why was everyone dressed so strange? This was obviously not 1915. The people bustled around him, but no one seemed to notice him. Perhaps they can't see him, or even hear him? He stood still for a moment, wondering where to go first. What was different in this strange world from his own? Robert soon noticed something familiar that gave him something to do. He made his way towards the church, he could see Mary and Edith standing there. He could recognize his beautiful daughters from far away. As he got closer he was flabbergasted by what he saw they were looking at. Two graves. One for Cora and one for him. They weren't new, they must be a few years old, and the date carved into them was 1915. That would explain the odd fashion, this was the future. The two girls both had tears in their eyes, and they both looked so tired, worn out by grief. They were not the same daughters he knew now. Robert then heard the melodic voice of Sybil came from behind him, but she seemed to be talking to someone else. Mary and Edith fled the graveyard and Sybil took their place. However with her, was a little boy. Who looked to be about four years old. They both stood in front of the graves and the boy clutched Sybil's dress ferociously._

 _"I can't Sybil. It gets harder every time."_

 _"I know William, but it's important to visit Mama and Papa, it will help us to cherish them." Robert felt tears ready to cascade down his face. It was William. His son. His and Cora's._

 _"But Sybil, I don't have any memories to cherish." The boy started to cry vigorously, his body shaking and tears dripping down his small face. Robert wanted to pick the boy up and never let go. How could this be? His own son never knew him, or Cora for that matter? What went wrong?_

 _"You have the pictures William, so that's better than nothing." The little boy nodded at his sister's soft words. Obviously, Sybil had experience calming him down. William reached out and touched both graves with his hands, his long fingers tracing the letters of his and Cora's names. Robert tried to touch him, but he couldn't. He couldn't feel his little son, and it was all wrong. This couldn't be the future could it? No, no it was simply a dream. Nothing was laid in stone. Yet what Robert wanted to know was how did this horrible future come to be? Did Cora give up? Did he? All Robert could think of was one thing, the two of them would have to be brave. They would have to fight and never lose hope. This was not their future, but then again neither was his perfect world. Like he said before, nothing was laid in stone._

* * *

 **Once again, anything you may recognize from Downton Abbey is not owned by me.**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Allo! Thank you so much for all of the lovely support, and I am always excited to read your reviews! You are all so sweet and kind! Now, let's get back to the story shall we? Happy reading!**

* * *

March 1915

"This bloody war!"

Robert slammed his desk in his tent so hard for a second he thought it would break. The unsteady table shook under his fist, a sign that Robert's anger was bubbling over. Cora was due at the beginning of April, the baby should be here in approximately three weeks time. He wanted to be there, actually he needed to be there. However he kept being denied leave for that time. Robert threw the wretched letter denying him leave on the ground. He would write another one, pleading his case once more. Though why would they let him leave at a time like this? The German forces were advancing and upgrading their tactics. The army had stated multiple times how they needed every man they could get, but Robert didn't care anymore. Honour, pride, it doesn't matter to him as much as Cora does. And of course, Robert had to be there for the birth of their fourth child, but that wouldn't be the case. With the army denying him a fifth time, he was loosing hope. The weather was changing throughout the Belgian countryside, it was getting a little less chilly and the rain was becoming more frequent. Robert knew the rain was a curse, supposedly it cause something they called 'trench-foot', and Robert didn't want to find out the event of it. However being cold at night wasn't part of his fantasies. He stood still for a moment, breathing in the stuffy yet cool air of his tent. The base was busier than ever, more and more men were arriving. Some entering the war, some displaying the horrific reality of the war. Finding a solitary place in the crowded camp was hard, so Robert took the time to cherish the quiet now.

Sadly, his quiet was soon interrupted by a loud noise he had been taught to fear. A large explosion had gone off, followed by the chaos of unprepared men. There was screaming, some officers barking orders and soon the sound of more explosions rang in his ears. Robert quickly grabbed a stack of papers that were on his desk and bolted out of his tent, running as fast as his legs could carry him. There was an endless amount of explosions, and he could hear the cries of German soldiers coming towards him. A large group of opposing forces were coming for them and Robert was horrified. The sudden searing pain of a bulled in his arm barely distracted him from all of the men who had died already. Though he was glad one familiar face running towards him. Thompson, his batman.

"Sir! We need to go!" The two men began to dash towards the tree line, hoping to avoid the German soldiers. Robert, however, was hesitant. Those men in the camp, most of them were his. Most were boys, barely men. He was committing a sin by leaving them behind. Though before he could continue on with his train of thought, Thompson fell to the ground with a bullet in his shoulder. Suddenly, Robert did the same.

* * *

Carson was elated to see such joy in the house again. The excitement had appeared very recently as the family and staff suddenly realized what would be happening soon. In just over a month, there would be a new member of the family squirming in it's crib. Her Ladyship was getting incredibly uncomfortable and she was also trying to balance the estate work. Lady Mary had agreed to help a little, and Carson found himself helping as well. He knew His Lordship would be horrified to see Lady Grantham working in her condition, and Carson had promised Lord Grantham to keep an eye on things. Carson felt a tingling of excitement whenever he thought about the arrival of the newest little Crawley. He had fond memories of Lady Mary, Lady Edith and Lady Sybil when they were young and how much joy they brought to the house. He knew that the new member of the family will bring some much needed joy. The other servants were all excited as well, and Carson hoped that things could only get better from here. He then heard a soft knock on the door of his pantry, he spoke a quick 'come in' assuming it was one of the servants but to his surprise it was Lady Grantham. He managed to stand up quite quickly.

"Did I interrupt you Carson?"

"No, of course not My Lady. May I be of any help?"

"I was wondering if you knew where I could find Mrs. Hughes?"

"I believe she's in the servants hall."

"Thank you Carson." She quickly retreated from his pantry before he could even respond. Carson was now sure that His Lordship would go mad if he knew how much work Lady Grantham was doing. Carson barely was seated again when Branson walked into his pantry holding what looked to be a telegram.

"This came just a few minutes ago Mr. Carson." Branson then handed him the official looking paper and Carson was fear stricken when he read where it was from. The War Office. He opened it very slowly, trying to put off whatever news was written on the paper. When he opened it he couldn't believe his eyes, and he felt all of the joy leave his body in a single sweep.

A few hours had gone by and he was still shocked by the telegram. He had to give it to Her Ladyship, but he didn't know how. He had given plenty of telegrams in his lifetime but not one of them concealed the same doomed news this one did. However the job had to be done, and Carson decided to seek out Lady Grantham. Before he made his way upstairs, he ran into Mrs. Hughes in the hallway and she immediately noticed something was very wrong.

"Mr. Carson? Whatever is the matter, this gloom is quite the contrast from earlier."

"I've received a telegram from the war office. It's not at all good news." Mrs. Hughes could  
sense his distressed tone and reached for the telegram in his hands. She read it very carefully, and let out a large gasp when she read the horrible news.

"I... I have no words. Her Ladyship will be completely devastated." Carson could only nod, his thoughts drifting back to the lady of the house. Remembering that he was on his way to deliver the horrid news.

He found Lady Grantham in the great hall, she looked as though she was returning from a busy afternoon and Carson felt awful for adding any more stress to her already busy day.  
"Telegram My Lady." Her face fell a bit as he held the paper out in front of him. It took all of his concentration to conceal his sadness when she opened the telegram. Her eyes scanned the paper and he could tell when she had read the news because they stopped moving. Her breath hitched and tears were quickly pooling in her eyes. Carson was just about to give her space when she leaned against one of the stately columns for support. Carson quickly slipped a chair behind her so she could sit down. Lady Grantham's gaze was distant, one hand went to rest on her large stomach and she began to cry. Carson quickly gave her all the space she needed.

* * *

The Crawley sisters didn't know what to make of their recent news. Papa was missing, lost. His base, it had been attacked by the Germans and most men didn't survive. However Papa hadn't been accounted for, no one knew where he was. Sybil didn't know how to feel, how to ease herself through the pain. She was still very young when her father went to fight in the Boer War, so she wasn't used to receiving such awful news. It seemed as though Mary and Edith were also petrified with fear. Not knowing where Papa was seemed to be tearing them all from the inside out. And Mama, oh Mama. She hadn't come down for dinner, she had only retreated to her room. O'Brien had brought up a tray for her, but her mother barely ate any of the food. Sybil was worried for her mother's health, she couldn't possibly go on like this. Poor Mama, she didn't know what the future will bring. Mama had always loved to say that things will look better in the morning, but now Mama didn't believe it anymore. It was almost as if she had given up one happiness.

"I'm going to go speak to Mama."

"Sybil, are you sure? She probably will want to be alone." Edith replied with a cautious tone, sadness plaguing her face.

"Well I don't think she should be alone." Sybil marched up the stairs to her mother's room. Well, Mama's and Papa's room. Her fist went up to knock on the door but she hesitated for a moment and was surprised to not hear crying. The silence somehow worried her, so she twisted the pristine doorknob and slowly walked into the room.

"Mama?" Her mother was standing near the window still in her day dress. She didn't make any movement at her youngest daughter's call, instead she continued to gaze into the night.

"Mama please say something, anything." The silence was deafening to Sybil and it went on for a few moments.

"Leave"

"What?"

"Leave. Please."

"Mama I don't think you should be alone."

"No, I want to. Sybil darling go get some rest, you'll need it to last through tomorrow." Sybil was determined not to leave. She shut the door behind her and began to walk towards her mother. She put a light touch on Mama's shoulder and Sybil noticed how cold her mother was. The way her shoulders and hands wouldn't stop shaking. Her lip quivered a little, you could barely notice it. Mama wasn't the same, the war alone was overwhelming and then being pregnant on top of that would make it ten times worse. Sybil saw a shawl hanging on the back of the chaise longue and she grabbed it to drape across Mama's bony shoulders. As Sybil caught sight of her face she realized how very different she looked. She looked sick, she was pale and ghoulish. Her eyes were red and her cheeks had lost their colour. Sybil instantly embraced her mother as if she was a child again. She had needed to do that for a long time and it seemed as if her mother needed it too.

"My darling Sybil"

"Oh Mama, what do we do?"

"Keep moving I suppose. Though I really don't know how. I wish I could tell you." Mama's voice was soft and unique, and as always her distinct voice was soothing.

"Mama, I'm sure Papa will make it. You of all people would know how he doesn't give up."

"It's hard my darling. I hope you never have to experience such misery." With that her mother slowly walked over to the chaise and perched herself on the edge. She let out a great sigh of relief when she sat down and gently touched her belly. Sybil went to sit beside her, after feeling that talking to someone was what Mama needed. She usually just talked to Papa about everything, but now she is all of a sudden so distant.

"You need some sleep Mama. You won't be doing anyone good by not taking care of yourself."

"I won't sleep a wink, trust me."

"Mama, I'm sure Papa wouldn't want to see you in this state."

"No, I mean your Papa missing-" Poor Mama, she could barely choke the words out. "-Your Papa missing isn't the whole of the problem. I won't sleep a full night until this baby is born." Now Sybil understood what she meant. She noticed her mother's small winces from time to time and the way her hand pressed against her stomach.

"Can I-" Before she could finish Mama's swollen hand reached out to grab her hand and place it on her belly. The two of them only had to sit for a few seconds when a powerful thump hit Sybil's hand. And then it was like it didn't stop. Multiple kicks made contact with Sybil's hand and she could also feel the quick rolls under Mama's dress. She knew why her Mama was never going to sleep now, if she could feel this much force beneath a dress, the kicks must be strong.

"Like I said, I won't be sleeping. However, my darling, you may go to sleep peacefully." Sybil makes her way towards the door but not before saying goodnight to her mother. As she looks at her, the idea of a younger sibling continues to become more and more real. It is exciting really, she wasn't going to be the youngest anymore.

"Well I hope you catch at least a bit of sleep Mama. You know, I don't think this younger sibling of mine knows how much life and joy it will bring back to Downton."

"Darling Sybil, I certainly hope that you are right."

* * *

 **Now, I wish I owned Downton Abbey but sadly I don't. So anything you may recognize from the show does not belong to me.**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: I think it's that lovely time when we dive back into the story, hm? I'm always so excited to update this story and honestly having such amazing support makes it even better. Thank you so much for putting up with me (lol), but have no fear because this story is nowhere near done! Anyways, happy reading!**

* * *

 _April 19th, 1915_

Rosamund had arrived at Downton about a week and a half ago, bringing with her another worried soul. Her brother, her younger brother was missing in action. His wife, pregnant at a dangerous age with their fourth child. And his three daughters, spinning in circles without their compass. Cora wasn't the same without Robert, and it was the same the other way around. It was like they couldn't function without each other, and Rosamund longed for a love like that. She had it once, but it had been snatched away by the cruel clutches of fate. Marmaduke Painswick was a short but spectacular chapter in her life, and she prayed that Cora wouldn't have to live the lonely life of a widow. Though by the looks of it, Cora was already living in a world so desolate the spark inside of her had faded. Rosamund couldn't remember a time where her exuberant sister in-law hadn't smiled to greet her. Of course, Cora was also due any day so she has a reason to be miserable. The sound of the door broke Rosamund from her reverie and she quickly turned away from the window. She stood facing Cora, well, a very dismal version of Cora at least. However she still let out a small smile when she put her hand over her baby.

"I apologize if I disturbed you."

"Don't be silly Cora, your presence hasn't disturbed me. How are you today?" Rosamund wanted to be nice to her, she knew Cora was experiencing some mood swings and she didn't want to be trapped in an argument.

"Terrible, as a matter of fact. This baby won't stop moving, I am in quite a lot of pain, I'm awfully hormonal and my husband is missing." Cora responded with a very snippy tone. However, beneath that was a sad and distant voice, desperate for relief.

"Well, I'm sure the baby will be here soon. You look lovely today despite you feeling so horrible."

"Thank you Rosamund, for everything." Cora swiftly picked up the papers she was looking for and retreated from the room. She was obviously in no mood for conversation, and Rosamund wasn't going to make her talk. She could remember a conversation with her brother when he was here for the holidays, and she always tried to forget it. She hoped she never had to obey her brother's wishes.

 _"Rosamund, you must listen to me!"_

 _"Brother, I will listen to you speak your goodbyes," Robert paused for a moment, deciding whether to carry on._

 _"If I die, I want you to know that all of the details are in letters. You would be able to find them in my desk-"_

 _"- Robert stop it. Nothing will happen to you."_

 _"This is serious Rosamund. I have stated that I want everything to be Cora's if I do die. I transfer everything to her. She will run it all. However she would never be herself ever again. And that is why I need you. You need-"_

 _"Robert! I refuse to listen to this. You will make it home, you and Cora will live a long, happy life and die together when you are both much older. You will not leave her, or the rest of your family." Robert was taken back by her response. He obviously didn't expect his sister to be so emotional about he subject._

 _"Yet what if I don't. Listen Rosamund, if I die please look after Cora. She will tell everyone she is alright, she will even pretend like she is but she won't be. And she'll have a small child, but in the end she will feel lonely. Take care of her, invite her to London. Take her to parties if you must but please, let her live."_

 _"I refuse to comply to your wishes because they are not necessary. You will make it home, you will be there for the life of your fourth child. You and your wife, will know so many more years in each others company and you will be happy. You will be happy Robert, this is only a small chapter in your long life. Promise me that you will fight." Robert blankly stared at her, and she noticed a small tear forming in one of his eyes. She had obviously struck a soft spot by mentioning his wife and children._

 _"I'll promise to you if you promise to me."_

 _"Fine, I promise to obey your wishes."_

 _"And I promise to follow your wishes." Robert looked at the floor and let out a long breath. "Thank you Rosamund, really."_

Her younger brother had been in such a frenzy that day. It was evident that he had been thinking about that possibility for a while. She didn't really blame him, news from the battle lines was never good so he probably spent lots of time thinking about nasty things. However, she just couldn't picture it. Her little brother, being buried and mourned. A child he would never know, so much he would leave behind. She couldn't visualize it. That image seemed to be so hazy that it would only ever be found in a nightmare, not real life. The world was cruel, but not unforgiving.

* * *

Cora felt as if she couldn't function anymore. Her back hurt more than it did with her other pregnancies and she was incredibly large. Well, she felt that way at least. It took all of her energy to make it downstairs and back up to her room, where she could be left in peace. However when she was rifling through a notebook, she found a photograph. An old photograph of her and Robert, both so young. She couldn't even recall this being taken but it was almost a completely candid shot. The two of them were staring at each other and smiling. Now, Cora lay in her bed, tears streaming down her delicate cheeks. She didn't need to be reminded of what part of her life was missing, that was the last thing she wanted. Of course, the baby was kicking so much that she was never able to rest. Her fatigue was starting to play with her and she was quickly loosing control of her emotions.

In an act of desperation to calm herself, Cora yanked a pillow from Robert's side of the bed and clutched it close to her face. Most nights she would dap a little bit of his cologne on it so he seemed more real. She breathed in his scent to calm herself down, and now with a settled mind she remembered something. Her father's letter that was sent by her mother. It was only to be opened when she was feeling low and this was the right time to read his last words to her. Cora opened the drawer that held the letter and grabbed the thick envelope. Her father's handwriting was beginning to fade and the paper had weathered. She carefully opened the seal and pulled out the delicate paper, her eyes scanning the script she hadn't seen in so long.

 _Cora,_

 _I want to write this letter so I can have these words on paper. I have a feeling that this illness will get the best of me, and there are so many things I want you to know. My beautiful daughter, I wish I could turn back time so we could spend more time together. I know we've had our arguments, but in the long run those don't truly matter. I want you to know that I love you, no matter what. You will always be my little, bubbly girl who would run around the house, don't let anyone dull your personality._

 _I hope that Robert takes special care of you. Though judging by the two of you during your visit, I think you will be fine. There will be a time where you may feel sad, but know that he loves you. I can tell you for certain this is the truth. Robert will always be there for you. I made him promise to me that he would, and for the first time I have faith in him. He loves you, and let that love keep you both happy._

Robert. Oh Robert. He had always made her so happy, he was the one who kept her from feeling depressed. She let her eyes scan the rest of the letter. Obviously, her father had written the rest of the letter when he become more ill because the writing became almost illegible.

 _Your mother has just told me your news, my girl I'm so happy for you. I understand if you and Robert can't make it, don't blame yourselves. All that matters is your health. Anyways, I gather you and Robert are most excited and I know this is what you wanted. Oh Cora, I'm sorry to say but I will probably never see your and Robert's child. And I desperately wish I could. So let me say this one thing. You will probably have so many beautiful children Cora. They will be just like you, and Robert too of course. Your family will be a special one, your children and your husband will bring you love and joy._

 _If you ever feel low, think of all the positive things in your life. A husband who loves you and children to love you. Don't ever think you have nothing because you have so much, people adore you. You may feel sad, but you have to learn to find joy in what you have. Be thankful Cora. My death is near, and at this time the business and frivolous parties don't matter. You, my family, that is what matters. You live a blessed life, don't ever think that you have nothing._

 _I know this is a very odd letter, but there is too much to write and not enough time to write it. However I truly hope that you never feel distressed enough that you need to read this letter, but if you do, it's here. So please Cora, always remember that you are loved and blessed. My daughter, gorgeous and kind. Take care of yourself my girl, and good luck to you._

 _Goodbye my darling daughter_

Her father's scribbled signature at the bottom began to wash away as Cora's tears wiped away the ink. Her father's last words to her were exactly what she needed to hear. Sadly, they weren't enough. Nothing could seem to brush the burden of sadness from Cora's shoulders. Her darling husband was missing, and there was nothing she could do about it. The letter did do one thing, it reminded her of their new child together. She should really be thankful to be having another child. Cora's hand went to rest on her stomach where their child resided. She was much larger this pregnancy than with the girls, and she was not exactly happy with that. Of course, this baby had to also be very active. The little one squirmed under it's mother's touch.

"Robert, come back to us. Please."

Cora knew that the solace found in her room was only temporary. Soon enough, Rosamund would burst in with hundreds of estate questions. Cora was supposed to be resting and not doing lots of work, but it seemed as though she was still the one in charge. However until that time came, she decided to spend time with her and Robert's little miracle.

* * *

Cora awoke with a start at some ghastly time of night. The sudden pain was enough to get her heart racing and her breathing accelerated. She's felt these pains before, but they were still different. Though her first reaction was to ring for O'Brien, however she now realized that at this time of night it would take forever for her to get here. Cora stood up from the bed as fast as her pregnant body would allow and she made her way towards the chaise. Another wave of pain washed over her and she gripped her bedpost for support, now realized that this was it. She donned her dressing gown that was resting on the chaise and made her way to the door. Thankfully, her water hadn't broken yet so she still had a bit of time before the labour really started. Cora padded down the hallway until she reached the room where Rosamund was staying and she knocked softly on the ornate door. Eventually, her sister in-law opened the door with wide eyes.

"Cora! What's the matter?"

"I think it's time. However, it's different. The pain. It's different."

"Cora, it's alright there is no need to get all worried right now. Have you rung for O'Brien?"

"Yes, but I know it will take her a while to come at this time so I came to wake you."

"Alright. We must get you to the hospital."

"What?"

"Cora, this is your fourth time having a baby. If you are saying something doesn't feel right, I'm not taking any chances. Also, Robert said to take no chances after what happened at Sybil's birth."

"So we will wake up who we must then. Let the others sleep."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure." Cora winced at another pain from deep inside her body. She was incredibly nervous about going to the hospital, and frankly she didn't want to. However, there was a risk factor and she understood Rosamund's concerns. So all she could do was wait. Everything began to turn into a downward spiral when she felt a trickle of liquid down her legs. Cora sucked in her breath and her hands began to shake. She was in labour. The fear set in fast and Cora had to sit down. She began to feel light headed, this was not the way things were supposed to go. Soon enough Rosamund came into the room, but her words seemed to pass in a blur. Cora couldn't register what her sister in-law was even saying until she heard her name.

"Cora? Cora please say something. I've briefed O'Brien she's just coming right now with some clothes." Rosamund seemed to ramble on for days before Cora had a chance to speak.

"Rosamund stop. My water has broken. I'm in labour." Her sister-in law just stood there wide eyed obviously still trying to protest what was happening.

"Alright then. I suppose we must stay here, I don't want to take you out in this state," Rosamund spoke softly, almost as if she was reassuring herself that everything was alright. "I'll let O'Brien know and tell her to get someone to ring for the doctor. Oh, and I'll wake everyone up of course." With that Rosamund hurried out of the room and Cora could hear her talking in the hall.

"Oh, and O'Brien"

"Yes milady?"

"Make sure the doctor knows to be prepared for anything."

* * *

 **Ohh, things are getting exciting aren't they? Well, enjoy the cliffhanger. Just a note that anything you may recognize from Downton Abbey I do not own.**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Here we go guys. the long awaited chapter! I'm sorry I took a bit longer to update this one but I kept re-gigging it. Just couldn't decide on which version of the chapter was better. Anyways, enough of my numerous struggles and back to the story. Thank you for your lovely support and happy reading!**

* * *

 _April 20th, 1915_

A new day had dawned and Cora was still in midst of a hard labor. It had started around eleven-o'clock the previous night and it had been downhill ever since. Violet now stood in the hallway, wiping off her hand that Cora had been gripping so hard. Violet was only in the room for an hour or so, but she'd seen enough to get the picture. This labor was proving a challenge for her poor daughter in-law. Cora's body and the baby weren't cooperating and she was becoming increasingly fatigued. The pain was intense, Cora had been gripping Violet's hands so hard she thought she would lose blood circulation. So here she stands in the eerie hallway, the only sound was Cora's muffled moans from behind the door. Violet quickly decided that standing around wasn't going to do anyone good so she might as well head downstairs and sit with the girls. As she made her way downstairs, she noticed the scurrying maids and tense footman performing their morning duties. The entire atmosphere of Downton was awfully tense, and Violet wished that the baby would make things easy for poor Cora. It was all so hard on Cora, if something were to go wrong, Robert wouldn't even be here to say goodbye. And if things went right, he wouldn't be the one to take the child from Cora's arms. Just thirty minutes earlier, her daughter in-law had been in tears over the fact he isn't here. She'd cried like a child, but Violet knew that was what love between two people should feel like. She'd felt it for herself once.

Mary, Edith and Sybil were all waiting nervously in the drawing room for her. Violet could sense their worry as she entered the light room. The three girls stood when she entered,expecting good news, but Violet could only shake her head. The whole ordeal was nowhere near complete.

"Granny? How is Mama?" Sybil piped up to break the odd silence in the room.

"Bearing up." Violet didn't want to be the ones to tell the girls that Cora was struggling. Though there wasn't really anyone else to tell them, she decided to wait until they knew more.

"This would all be so much easier if Papa were here." Edith's voice was low and almost drifted away into silence as if her mind was somewhere else.

"I wouldn't be quite so sure my dear. If your Papa were here he would be pacing about like an untrained horse. He gets overly nervous about this."

"Really Granny? I don't see Papa as the type to be pacing uncontrollably."

"Well, he is. At your birth Mary, I was convinced that he was more nervous than your mother was." The four women in the room laughed at this, which seemed to brush off a layer of stress. New life, after all, was supposed to be a joyous celebration. "And no doubt your father would be even more nervous now."

"Why is that?" Sybil was obviously longing to know more. However Violet couldn't help but feel that she had steered their jolly moment to a halt."

"Because of your birth Sybil." She let out a long sigh, not wanting to recall that terrifying night.

"Why mine?"

"Well, when you were born there was a complication. It was rather serious and there was a time where we thought your mother wouldn't make it. Your father looked like a lost ghost most of the time, and he couldn't keep calm at all. Of course, after you were born Sybil, the doctor had said that if your mother were to have another child it may present some extra risk factors." The three girls on the couch froze at this. Mary was only four and Edith three, they didn't have much recollection of that hectic night. Mary looked particularly frozen at the thought and she sat perfectly still and in silence. Violet could see the look of reflection and thought on Mary's face, how her eldest grandchild pondered her next action. Eventually Mary rose from the sofa and and headed towards the chaos.

"I'm going to go sit with Mama. I don't want her to feel abandoned with just aunt Rosamund there."

"Mary are you sure? There is no telling what could happen."

"I'm sure. I promised Papa I'd look after Mama, so this is what I'm doing."

* * *

Mary had arrived in her mother's room hours ago, yet Mama still lay on her bed writhing in pain. Right now all they could do was wait until it was time, but for her mother that task was proving to be terribly complicated. It's been almost twelve hours since the labor has started and she was becoming extremely fatigued. Most of the time the only sounds in the room were Mama's low moans and the patter of rain against the window. Sometimes either aunt Rosamund or herself would talk to Mama, but the conversations couldn't get very far before Mama let out another sob in pain.

"R... Rosamund" her mother gasped. "I'm not sure how much longer I can do this."

"Cora it will be done soon. This is your fourth time doing this, you can do it." The only thing to really say to Mama were words of encouragement. It hurt Mary, to see her mother like this. To see her clench the sheets and gasp for air. To see the tears escape her eyes and the pain etched on her face. Mary hoped she would provide some comfort to her mother, but it seemed as if nothing could help her but the return of her father. Mary watched the movements of Mama's belly, where her sibling obviously kicked her mother hard, and suddenly the world seemed different. Her new sibling wasn't a complication, and that she'd been wrong about Matthew and thinking it wasn't really her problem. How she should have been a better daughter to Mama over the years, but no. No. She could not think about regrets right now. No final thoughts of Mama, because she promised her Papa she would look after her. And Mary never failed in these matters.

It was only minutes until Doctor Clarkson finally spoke the long waited words "she's ready." He dunked his large hands in a bowl of water and sat down at the end of the bed.

"There shouldn't be any problems right Doctor?"

"There is a small chance concerning her history. However, Lady Rosamund, Lady Grantham is in good health so that is promising."

"Excellent" her aunt smiled in her direction. "Now Mary, take her hand."

"Mary darling" her mother gasped. "You don't have to stay for this."

"No Mama, I'm staying." She nodded to her aunt and grasped her mother's swollen hand.

"Alright Lady Grantham, with each pain I want you to push with all of the strength you can muster." All Mama could do was nod her head and gasp for air. Mary felt her mother squeezing her hand and aunt Rosamund and herself helped her mother lean forward. Her mother let out a small whimper and Mary could see the fresh tears on her face. Mary was embarrassed to see her mother like this, she was extremely uncomfortable. However Papa would want her to be here for her mother, and so she would.

The whole ordeal continued for what felt like forever until at last, Dr. Clarkson's voice rose over Mama's cries.

"Only one more time Lady Grantham, I promise." With that Mama held onto her hands and let out hoarse scream, one filled with pain and desperation. She then fell back into the mountain of soft pillows behind her, trying to catch her breath. Soon enough, a loud cry pierced the room she looked up to see a nurse moving to a corner of the room. Aunt Rosamund got up and went over to where the baby was, however Mary was still in shock. There was a new little Crawley, not even two minutes old and she already felt attached to her new sibling. It suddenly became real to her, that there was a baby, and Mary felt overjoyed as she finally let all of her emotions in.

"It's a boy" aunt Rosamund had called. All of the women's faces lit up at the news, except for some reason, Mama's. Mary soon realized that she was caught up in all of the excitement and she never noticed the state her mother was in. She was pale and gasping for air. Her eyes were fighting to stay open and her hand was clammy and weak.

"Dr. Clarkson, what is happening!" She looked at the doctor who seemed to be struck down by panic. Aunt Rosamund snapped her head in their direction and observed the chaotic scene before her. Something was definitely not right.

"There's a bleed, and I can't see where it is coming from. If I can't find it, she'll bleed out right here."

"Do something, and quickly!" Her aunt snapped and Mary watched as the doctor fumbled for his tools. The room smelled like blood, and Mary wanted to run. Run away from her fading mother, away from the horrific scene in front of her. However her legs wouldn't move, all she could do was stare at her mother struggling to take a breath. What if she died here? Would her sisters take care of her new sibling alone? What if Papa came back? No, Mary knew to shut out these morbid questions from her mind. It's seemed like a lifetime had gone by before the doctor spoke again, a wave of relief in his voice.

"I've got it. She'll live, everything is fine. I had to put in a stitching, and her recovery time will be longer, but all is well." Everything was not fine, her mother may live but she looked awful. It's wasn't serious, but she could barely keep her eyes open. She was weak because of a long labor and she had lost lots of blood, but she was fine. That's all Mary wanted to know. Aunt Rosamund eventually came next to the bed, holding a large bundle of blankets. When she sat down in her chair, Mary noticed the little baby swaddled in those soft white blankets. Her little, long awaited brother.

* * *

"Rosamund! Is it over? What happened?"

"Mama please-"

"Really Rosamund, answer the questions."

"Yes, Mama, it's a boy." Cheering erupted through the drawing room as Edith, Sybil and her mother exchanged happy smiles. Even Carson smiled to himself a bit. However, the room fell silent at her lack of enthusiasm.

"There was a slight complication though. Cora is fine, but extremely weak. Her recovery time is going to be longer than normal and she will seem a bit ill."

"Aunt Rosamund? Can we go up then?"

"No Sybil, not at this moment. We need to give a bit of time."

"Well." Of course, leave it to Mama to break the silence. "An heir to Downton. This is a memorable evening for sure."

* * *

Carson hurried down to the servants quarters to deliver the cheerful news. The future Earl of Grantham had been born, and it was a day meant for celebrations. Of course, this will be very hard on Mr. Crawley, but he's sure that the entire family will rejoice in their newest member's arrival. Of course, His Lordship will be devastated over the fact he missed the birth of his heir, but Carson knew that it would be a blessing to have the current Earl return home. When he entered the hall, there was a collective gasp among the servants, obviously there was great anticipation for this moment.

"The baby has been born, and it's a boy." Cheers and claps were the only noises to be heard in the hall, but he knew he had to get down to business first. "However, there was a complication and it has resulted in Her Ladyship being in weak condition. She shall not be bothered with any questions or concerns." Carson felt he should make his way back to the family, they should be needing his services soon. However, he was somewhat glad to run into Mrs. Hughes on his way to the stairs.

"Well, the heir to the Earl of Grantham has been born tonight. I'm sure you're secretly the happiest of all the staff."

"Do explain, Mrs. Hughes"

"Well, I know you have a soft spot for the family, especially for Lady Mary. And I think that you are excited to meet the newest member. And I won't deny it, I'm excited too."

"Well, as the rain clears and the sun comes out, it is a beautiful day to celebrate new life."

* * *

Violet was tingling with anxiety as she made her way upstairs to meet her newest grandchild. Her son's heir, a little boy. She'd been waiting for this moment since her son had married Cora all those years ago, but this wasn't the way she pictured such a joyous day. Robert wasn't even here, he was missing. He had been lost for just over a month and no one has found any survivors from his regiment, surely he would be the one survivor. Robert was always determined and strong-willed, even as a little boy. Her son was still alive, somewhere.

It had been about an hour since Cora had given birth, and she was supposed to be resting. However Violet knew she could see her daughter in law fro a few minutes, and of course Cora would be with her son, not resting. Violet grabbed the shiny handle on the door and opened it, walking into a very warm and bright room. The rain had recently stopped and the sunlight bathed everything in a golden glow. Cora sat propped up in the bed holding a bundle of blankets. Her features showed that she looked rather unwell, but her large smile told a different story. She was smiling and talking to the baby, her hand playing with the blankets surrounding him. As Violet closed the door behind her, Cora looked up and Violet could see the tears. However she wouldn't comment, for the situation deemed tears appropriate. Violet sat down in a chair next to Cora's bed, carefully examining the woman's tired features.

"You can hold him if you like, Mama." Violet positioned her arms as Cora used all her strength to lift the little one into her arms. The boy fussed a little in her arms, but she knew it was because he just wanted his Mama. He is quite adorable, she thinks, as he seems to be a perfect mix of both of his parents.

"What is his name? I assume you and Robert discussed names at Christmas."

"Yes. We decided on William Robert Crawley."

"I think it suits him rather well." Violet took a special moment to cherish him before giving him back to Cora. The two women talked for a bit but eventually Cora fell asleep, with a sleeping William in her arms. Mary came in a moment later, hoping she could steal William to show him off to his sisters.

"Is Mama asleep Granny?"

"And William. We need to take him so your mother can get a proper rest. Have you held him yet."

"No, not yet."

"Well, you should take him to Edith and Sybil now before he becomes irritable." Violet motioned for Mary to pick him up and as the two women looked closer, they noticed William had his little fingers wrapped around one of his mother's. It was clear that her new grandchild had his mother wrapped around his fingers, and that he would bring her much needed joy. Mary carefully lifted him into her embrace and Violet helped Cora lie down.

"Hello little brother. You are very small and precious, I'm sure your sister Sybil will adore you. I think it's time we take you on your first little tour of the house" Mary whispered to him. The family was right, William would be the one to draw them closer together. Crawley's do, always stick together after all.

 _William Robert Crawley born April 20th, 1915_

* * *

 **He's finally here! Oh, this is exciting.**

 **Once again, anything you may recognize from Downton Abbey is not mine.**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: I'm so excited to update. I've been meaning to for a couple of days now but I just haven't had the time (Sorry). Anyways, I continue to thank you for your lovely support. It's such a privilege to have readers as nice as you guys (no, I'm not just saying that). Anyways, I'm pretty sure you don't want to hear me ramble on so here it is, chapter 15! Happy reading!**

* * *

Edith and Sybil's collective gasp snapped Mary out of her reverie when she stepped into Sybil's room. Her two sisters had been dying to meet their sweet baby brother even since he was born about two hours ago. The two of them rushed to where she was standing and peeked between the blankets at William's little pink face. Sybil reached out to touch his nose and he wrinkled it in return, oh how he is cute.

"Hello William, you don't know how long we've been waiting for you" Sybil cooed. "May I hold him?"

"Of course Sybil darling" Mary replied as she gently passed him to Sybil. Her youngest sister immediately smiled at him and held him close. She played with his little hands and entwined her large fingers with his tiny ones. Poor Sybil was a bit hesitant when she passed him to Edith, obviously wanting to hold him for a bit longer. When Edith took him, Mary could see the love that spread across her face. Well, if Edith never found anyone at least she'll have William. Mary let out a light chuckle at her own joke a bit. However she didn't fail to notice that William's eyes opened a bit, his ocean blue orbs trying to figure out which face to focus on.

"He's absolutely adorable" Edith marveled.

"Who does he look like more?" Sybil asked.

"I'd say Papa"

"Really, I say Mama"

"Hm, maybe he's just a perfect mix." Her two sisters seemed to occupy William for what felt like forever, and Mary felt as though she couldn't fully celebrate. Of course, she was overjoyed in a way that she could not show that Mama and William were alright. However the real question was Matthew. She hadn't told him about Pamuk, and she'd broken their trust. What really was there relationship at this point. He wasn't heir anymore either, but suddenly it seemed as though that didn't matter as much as it used too. Mary wants love, and she knows she'll find it with Matthew. Sadly she can't help but wonder if her realization was too late.

"You look very reflective Mary, care to tell us what it is about" Edith chortled.

"Nothing you would have anything valuable to say about" She snapped back. Oh, how she hopes William will be easier to get along with than Edith is. She only just noticed that the little boy was currently occupied with Sybil, his little eyes studying her face through half closed lids.

"Sybil darling, I think he's in need of some rest." Mary reached out to scoop up the soft bundle of blankets.  
"Do I have to? He's so small and cute!"

"He won't be adorable if we make him fussy, also we'll have to disturb Mama." With that her sisters finally let her take him back to her mother's room where his little cradle was. He would be kept close for a few days but then moved so hopefully Mama would sleep easier.

"Now, don't you cause too much trouble. You can end up in a bit of mischief, but don't get carried away" she teased to him. Sadly, Matthew couldn't stop appearing in her mind, no matter how hard she tried to she couldn't help feeling a pang of regret. She pushed him away, she let him go. Mary couldn't blame little William for now becoming heir, because she didn't truly care about the title. Unfortunately, Mary couldn't possibly know more until she talked to Matthew, face to face.

When Mary reached the ornate door to her mother's room, she clicked it open and pushed very slowly. She really didn't want to make lots of noise. Mama was already asleep and Aunt Rosamund seemed like she was ready to sleep in the chair.

"Aunt Rosamund" she whispered. Her vibrant aunt snapped awake and her face lit up at the sight of her eldest niece holding her new nephew.

"I'll take him for a minute Mary dear. You get some well needed rest."

"You don't have to tell me twice" Mary stated as she quickly handed her brother off. Her aunt seemed to stand there for a moment, carefully studying his face.

"Alright. I think we all need some rest." She whispered as she gently placed him in his cradle. Taking one last look around the two women closed the door behind them and and went for some much needed rest.

* * *

Cora woke late at night to Sybil shaking her shoulder a bit, whispering something to her over and over. Cora felt dizzy, lightheaded and she couldn't seem to hear Sybil. It was like she was trapped underwater, everything around her was a haze. It took a minute for her senses to become tuned into her surroundings.

"How do you feel Mama?"

"Absolutely awful" she choked out. "What's the matter darling?" Unfortunately her speech seemed a bit slurred.

"I think William is going to cry any second, and I didn't really know what to do."

"I'll take care of him." Cora stretched out her arms to take her son into her arms. Thankfully she still had enough strength to hold him. "Can I ask why you had him in the first place though"

"Well, he's enticing." Cora laughed at this, even though it made her sides hurt. Sybil was always incredibly sweet. "I'll leave you be for a bit." With that she took her exit, though Cora knew she would be back eventually.

"It's just you and me, my little one." Cora eventually concluded that he was hungry once he started to cry a bit and she fixed her nightgown so she could nurse him. Thankfully, he seemed to be very good at this and he latched on immediately, relaxing Cora a bit. She just watched him nurse, she still couldn't believe that she's finally given birth to a son. It was like something out of a dream. Once he seemed to be finished nursing, she rearranged her night gown and held him for a bit. She tried to prop herself up in her pillows a bit more, but it was awfully painful. Her beloved son's birth had taken quite the toll on her body.

Cora instinctively brought William to her chest and held him close, playing with his little fingers. She eventually turned on the light on her nightstand so she could see him better and once she turned on the light she was awestruck at what she saw. Her son was the perfect mix of his two parents. William had inherited her dark hair, he already had lots of hair for a newborn. His hair was more wavy though, like Robert's, and she also recognized Robert's jawline. William had adorable cheeks like her husbands and ivory skin like she did. His little cherry lips and nose were just like hers, and she loved it. She could remember his eyes from when she saw him earlier, he had Robert's eyes. Deep as the ocean blue, she could get lost in those eyes. My my, this boy was going to be incredibly handsome.

"Oh my darling son..." A few tears escaped Cora's eyes -tears of joy of course-, she couldn't believe she could finally mouth those words. Her son, hers and Robert's.

"Your Papa is going to burst when he sees you. He'll love you to the end of his days, I promise you." It was hard to promise him anything, though she wanted to promise him anything in the world. The future was so uncertain, and Cora prayed it turned out for the better. You live a blessed life, don't ever think that you have nothing. Her father's words from his letter echoed in her ear, and it helped to pull out of wallowing in self pity. Sadly, she had seen many, many miseries in her lifetime, especially in the past few months. Yet the arrival of William has brought life to her eyes once more, and Cora loved feeling almost like herself again. Honestly, she would hope she could blame most of her misery on pregnancy. Cora's attention was eventually pried away from her little son and towards the door. Violet stepped in, bringing a bit of joy with her which was rather unusual. However, Cora could already tell William brought out a more cheerful side of her stiff mother in law.

"Sybil mentioned you were awake, so I'd thought I'd come in for a minute or so."

"Mama, it's late at night, you need some rest. Besides, I can handle my own son."

"I never said you couldn't handle him. I was simply still awake and thought I would check on you. I'm going back to the Dower House tomorrow so I want to supervise while I can." She must supervise, typical of Violet.

"I wrote to your mother already. She'll probably insist on coming over, but I don't see how she will at a time like this."

"Trust me, if anyone can cross the Atlantic in midst of a world war, it's my mother. She's too determined for her own good."

"It seems we are in agreement." There was an odd silence that fell between the two women, though their eyes met at the same spot. William was currently quite restless, squirming awkwardly in his mother's arms. Though when Cora wrapped her finger in his little palm he relaxed a bit. Still a bit restless though, definitely a trait he got from Robert. Her darling husband couldn't always sleep still.

"I'll leave you be then. It seems as though you're quite alright for now. Also Sybil mentioned she'd be coming back."

"Of course, sounds exactly like Sybil."

Cora wanted to hold her son and cherish him, and that's what she did through the early hours of the morning.

* * *

William was now 5 days old, and still the same sweet little baby. He was quite cooperative, though his cries could be sometimes referred to as the wails of a banshee. Though he was generally quite a happy baby. Edith was enjoying having this precious time with her little brother. Mary and Sybil had always been occupying him and Edith really just wanted to have some time alone. Though she knew William would listen to her problems, so she brought him along too.

The house was bathed in a newborn light, and Edith found it lovely. It often rained in England so to find a day that was sunny was rare. It made Edith feel cheery, like the world was right. Everyone needed to feel that way every once and awhile.  
"Well, little brother, I don't think you've had your official tour of the house yet." His wide eyes were desperately trying to take in all of his surrounding and he fidgeted in her arms a bit. Edith carefully made her way down the grand staircase and into the entrance hall.

"You are Lord Downton, you know. All this will be yours some day, once you become Earl." It's weird to think such a small human already carries the weight of a title, but that's how it worked. Hopefully, he wouldn't have to hold the title of Earl for a very long time. Edith and William eventually made their way into the library. She stopped at Papa's desk and picked up a photo of the family, taken before the war. She held it before him and pointed at one person in particular.

"This is our Papa. You haven't met him yet, but when you do, he will be absolutely taken with you. You are his heir, and that makes you pretty important."

Edith was enjoying the quality time she was spending with him. She was hoping she was right, that'd he'd bring the family together. So far, her and her sisters had been less hostile. However she didn't know if that was only temporary. Coincidentally, Mary barged into the room at that very moment. Of course, in her typical 'Mary-like' fashion she sashayed over to Edith and... smiled?

"I'll take him for a bit. You've had him for most of the day and I'd just like to say hello before I he falls asleep." Edith let out a long sigh and handed him over. It was better to be mature and not cause an argument, especially when their brother would probably end up wailing over their shouting.

"Enjoy your time with him, before Sybil wants to see him for the day."

"Oh, darling Sybil" Mary smiled. Now William's attention was focused on his eldest sister. Mary just stood there, basking in the sunlight that filled the room. She tickled his nose with her finger and he wrinkled it in return, oh he was so wonderful. It made her want this, this life, with children and a husband. She wanted Matthew. Mary's fantasies ended suddenly when Carson's deep voice echoed behind her. She turned around quickly and he was startled to see her with a single tear on her face.

"I'm sorry if I'm disturbing you Milady."

"No Carson, you're not disturbing me." Mary felt as if she was red with embarrassment. Crying in front of others, how childish.

"I see the Viscount Downton has officially gotten a tour of the Abbey." Mary was extremely thankful that he'd changed the subject. She didn't want to make a scene. Not now.

"Yes, he is. You can comes officially meet him if you would like. You are very much a part of this family, you should know." Mary always adored Carson. He's been at Downton since before she was born, and had always been like her third parent. Carson seemed reluctant though eventually he came closer to meet the future Earl.

"All of the staff have been pestering Ms. O'Brien for details on him. He's quite popular" Carson chuckled. When he stepped closer he peered down at William, who was simply staring off into space.

"Well, hello Lord Downton. It's a pleasure to finally meet you." Mary suddenly felt a bit threatened, William just might steal Carson's affections. All her little brother did in response to Carson's greeting was let out a large yawn. Once again, Carson chuckled softly at the little lord. "I must say he resembles both His Lordship and Her Ladyship."

"Yes, he does."

"He'll fill His Lordship's shoes exceptionally well. When the time comes of course." A silence plagued the two of them for a moment, thinking of if the little boy had to be the new Earl at birth.

"Though, I dare say that the time for that won't happen for many, many years to come."

"I'm sure you're right Carson. I'm sure of it."

* * *

 **So, that's it for this update. Hope you all enjoyed it.**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Allo! I'm sorry to be such a pain with my sporadic updates (oops), I've just had a super busy week and haven't had the time to post the chapter. Though hank you all for putting up with me. Anyways, enjoy the update and happy reading!**

 ***retreats into dark corner***

* * *

 _May 1915_

Martha Levinson was not going to let some silly war be an excuse to not meet her new grandson. William Robert Crawley was now three weeks old and she still hasn't seen him, which is not a good thing. Martha was adamant to come, even though Violet was constantly trying to put her off. The woman had been telling her "Cora wasn't in a mood for visitors" or that it would be "inconvenient" for her to come. Though Martha knew her daughter, and she knew Cora would want her to meet the little boy. By the sounds of her daughter's letters, the little one had stolen her heart and Martha just had to see him.

Everyone had been waiting for this child to be born, not just Cora and Robert. Even across the Atlantic, Martha would hold her breath. Now he's finally here, so Martha was now wrapped in a luxurious fur braving the rainy English countryside. Her grand car was peacefully driving towards the Abbey, where her daughter's family resided. Martha was relieved that Cora had a son, it was one of the reasons she brought her only daughter to England. Her grandchild will be an heir to an English lord, finally she was getting something out of losing her daughter.

The rain outside very well reflected the mood outside the large home where the family stood. Large umbrellas looming over their heads, casting shadows over their exhausted faces. She found it funny at first, but when she saw Cora standing alone with Carson beside her, she remembered. Remembered why Violet warned her about her daughter. Remembered the explanation for their gloomy appearance. Robert, he was still missing, for about two months now.

The car pulled to a halt and she burst out, immediately seeking Cora. She was waiting to welcome her with open arms, with a clearly fake smile plastered on her face. It was the same with all of them. Martha decided not to comment on this, she didn't want to cause an argument within 10 seconds of being there.

"Cora, my dear, it's so great to see you."

"The rest of the family is inside mother, we should escape the rain." Her poor girl sounded worn out, from worry and motherhood.

Martha had almost forgotten the grandeur of the house since her last visit, and it was still gorgeous once she stepped inside. English aristocracy seemed to have its perks. When she entered the hall; Mary, Edith, Sybil and Violet were all there to greet her as well as the servants. She could definitely feel that Robert wasn't there, it was as if she was experiencing a phantom limb. Mostly because Cora's hands looked cold without someone else's to hold onto. She couldn't deny it, Robert and Cora need each other. At least Martha could feel like she didn't fail her daughter by shipping her off, because she found true love. William was a perfect example of that. After she'd finished the traditional welcome, she glanced at Cora. Her daughter simply gave her a small nod -knowing what she meant- and slowly made her way up the stairs. Reaching the top of the stairs, Martha could her the whimpers of a baby from down the hall and followed Cora towards them. Cora floated into the room and smoothly picked the boy up, soothing his cries for his Mama.

"Cora, sit down, please"

"Mother, trust me I'm completely healed.I was a long time ago and I don't need to be hovered upon." Martha could see Cora was lying, she wore it on her face. William calmed down as Cora held him, and at this point Martha just wanted to hold him herself. Though she wanted to hold Cora just as much.

"You are not healed. Not emotionally."

"Mother please, there's nothing to discuss."

"Cora, you're being ridiculous. Just talk to me." Cora's face flared up at her words. Martha only realized that may have come out wrong once she'd said it.

"I'm being ridiculous, am I? You may think it alright to say what you want about me, but it isn't. You say it is because you are American, but so am I and I seem to have sense." Cora's words tugged at her a bit. She'd spoke them quietly not to disturb William, but Martha knew she was screaming. Cora didn't mean that, her daughter was always kind. It's her pain speaking for her. Wordlessly, Cora passed William over to her and glided to an armchair near the window. Martha adjusted the blankets to see him better and the letters didn't lie, he truly was adorable. Martha could easily pick out Cora's shared features with him, and it brought her joy. Reminiscing on when her daughter was born. However she noticed how he also looked like Robert, and that tugged at her heartstrings a little.

Cora simply stared out the window, rain tapping on the glass. It seemed that it was a reflection of her somber mood.

"He's a joy, Cora. Really, I can see what the big fuss was about."

"I just wish Robert could see him." The two women fell silent awfully fast. Martha couldn't seem to get a conversation out of Cora, which was unusual for her. Once again, she kept her mouth shut and simply played with William. She gently tickled his nose and he let out a little sneeze in return, just like Cora would as a baby. She only wished the little boy could put his mother back together. He was a joy, and frankly Cora's only joy.

"Shall we go down then?" Cora asked. Her daughter carefully placed William in his crib, pecking a kiss to his forehead. She didn't make eye contact with Martha though, and she swiftly exited the room.

* * *

Dinner wasn't exactly entertaining, it usually was in this house. Martha always found a sparring partner out of Violet or sparked a rowdy conversation, however tonight was just quiet. Everyone seemed to be tiptoeing around each other, especially Cora. They were all afraid to say the wrong thing, or dig up bad thoughts. There was some small talk of course, mostly with the girls, but even then they seemed hesitant to make conversation.

It had been a long evening, and Martha fancied a walk around the house. She had a dim candle to light her way, and she really wanted a drink. She didn't mind drinking from their stock, not when her late husbands money technically payed for it all.

Martha made her way downstairs towards the library. She didn't notice the soft glow through the closed door at first but even when she had noticed it, she still entered. Martha simply wanted a drink. Yet the person whose face was illuminated by the candle was the last person she thought she'd see. Cora. In the library, late night. Martha quietly walked closer, trying to see if Cora was asleep. Her eyes were only focused on the wall, and the dark circles under her eyes were shadows themselves. She noticed the drink in her hands. This was now extremely weird, this wasn't Cora's style. Forgetting her drink, she sat herself next to her daughter, who was slumped on a sofa.

"Well Cora, this is new for you, drinking in the library late at night." She didn't respond, didn't even look at Martha. She just took another sip of her whisky. "Seriously Cora, stop acting like a child. How much of that have you had? When did this start?"

"It doesn't matter"

"Yes it does"

"Mother just go back to sleep." Martha could feel her frustration boiling over at Cora's agitated words.

"No Cora, I won't. Listen, I understand that you are stressed and grieving for your missing husband, but you are a grown woman. And this is not you at all. You won't talk to anyone, not even your own mother. I know you always confided in your father and had a better relationship with him, but you'd still at least talk to me about some things. Now, you talk to nobody. Your father is dead, but I'm not so for god's sake Cora, talk." Martha knew her words stung, she saw the tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. Isidore was a touchy subject to the both of them, but her daughter needed to hear that speech.

"I started coming down once I was completely well again. It started where I'd just take a comforting sip. Now..." She stopped to take another sip. Her words had slurred a little, obviously the amber liquid had begun to look too appealing for her.

"How many glasses have you had tonight?"

"Two." Martha reached over and took the glass from her hands, thankfully not meeting any resistance from Cora. Tears were cascading down her face and Martha pulled her into a tight embrace.

"Mama" she sniffled using the American pronunciation. "I miss him so much. I can't do it anymore"

"You can. Look, Robert is out there, and the next thing you know he will be safe. And William, he needs his mother to not be drowning herself in whisky." Cora chuckled softly at this, but she wasn't alright. There was only so much Martha could say. Her and her daughter were not the closest and had drifted further apart over the years. However in this moment, Martha was still her mother and Cora still her beautiful daughter.

"Oh my! Cora do you even eat? It's like you didn't recently give birth. You're downright bony!"

"I do eat"

"I don't believe you. Cora the last thing we need is you collapsing." Martha clasped her hand around Cora's and took a sip of the whisky. Robert did have some very fine drink selection it seems. "Besides, whisky does not count as food."

"That's an odd statement, coming from you." Martha laughed openly at this. Seems that the girl she raised was still hiding somewhere.

"Im serious though Cora. Take care of yourself, and now that I'm here you can't escape my hovering." Cora only acknowledged her with a signature eye roll and a long sigh. "Cora, please don't tell me you can't get up the stairs. Because I'll just leave you here, I'm serious."

"Mother please" Cora chuckled. "Sometimes I can't tell if you are joking or not!"

"That's the fun of it." Again, Martha received an eye roll. At least her presence was not completely hated though. The two women rested in silence through the serene night. Until the two of them both decided that sleep had to happen if they were to face tomorrow.

"Come on Cora, stand up. You're tougher than you look." Martha could only hope and pray that Cora would pull herself together, for her sake and everyone else's.

* * *

 _Cora loved the summers she spent at the Newport house. Here, she was free like the sands on the beach that would be brushed by the wind. Her favourite thing was to simply lie down in the grass, observing the puffy clouds and not having constant chatter in her ear. Even as a child, she was pressed into many social situations, mostly by her mother. Really, she just wanted to be alone. Sometimes she enjoyed the company, but the children her mother paired her up with were boys. Momma wanted her to meet her line of future husbands, which was not entertaining. So every once and awhile, she'd manage to sneak off and lie near her favourite tree. Until of course, Momma did find her and get rather angry for wrecking her dress and hair. Cora's attention was quickly focused back to reality, and the footsteps she heard were becoming closer. She thought it was her mother coming to scold her, but it was just her little brother, Harold. He'd often bother her, he didn't understand "alone". However Cora was too kind to be angry with her innocent brother, so she'd just let him stay with her._

 _"Why you out here?" Harold asked. He lowered himself to the ground and lay beside her._

 _"Avoiding Momma, as usual."_

 _"Why?"_

 _"Because she's annoying me"_

 _"Why?"_

 _"She's trying to match me up with some other child"_

 _"Why?"_

 _"I don't know, stop asking all these questions Harold. You know," She turned to him. "You know, one day, I'm going to go far away from here and live my own life. I'll find a friend who actually wants to be friends with me. I'll find someone special, WITHOUT Momma." Cora was sure it was a radical dream. But it was true, she wanted to be like the women her mother talked about with her father. The interesting ones. She'd meet new people, new friends. Cora wanted everything._

 _"That sounds hard. Without Momma. How will you do it?"_

 _"That's easy Harold, independence." It had recently become her new favourite word, independence._

 _"Can you do it? All your dreams of new places and in... Independence." She also likes the word because Harold had trouble saying it, and it made her feel better about heself. Daddy would always mumble something about sibling rivalry._

 _"Of course I can. I'm stronger than I look Harold."_

 _"How strong?" Sometimes, Cora wondered if her little brother knew anything._

 _"I can beat anything! Even mother..." Cora and Harold began laughing as they lay in the grass. Lying in her own little ray of sun, Cora promised herself to always be strong. She didn't really know if her promise to herself was childish, but she needed to believe it._

 _"But I don't understand how you'd do it all alone."_

 _"I only said I'd be without Momma. I never said I'd do it alone."_

* * *

 **Hope you guys enjoyed!**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: I won't say much except for this is the long awaited chapter of _what happened to Robert Crawley._ I won't keep you waiting with an endless authors note so happy reading!**

* * *

 _May 1915_

How long has it been? How long had it been since the attack? Since all those men had perished to an unforeseen foe, the surprise attack capturing the last few. Robert didn't know anymore, his concept of time had been completely lost. March, the attack happened in March, but he didn't know what it was now. He couldn't even tell how long he'd been stuck in living hell, he felt like he'd be here forever.

He was a prisoner of war, stuck in German territory. Him and his wingman, Thompson, had been forced to comply with the enemy. He'd spend his days cleaning various items from inside his cell, or doing general small tasks. He was sick of his confines, he longed to feel free once more. The same small walls of the hut he's been kept in were beginning to make him and Thompson weak. For how much longer could be take this?

However, he supposes he is one of the luckier ones. Robert was still alive for one, which was better than the majority of the men from his battalion. Him and Thompson weren't the only men brought here, there had been others. However some didn't make it along the way. He'd seen some of his men sent elsewhere, whereas others had tried to escape and failed. The worst were the ones who succumbed to sickness and disease. A slow, agonizing death. Robert hoped to not be here long enough to see a date such as that.

He would try and keep his mind clear and work aimlessly, but he found it very difficult. His mind would wander back to his family, mostly Cora. His darling wife at the end of her pregnancy. How close was she to having the baby? He didn't really know, he hadn't been keeping time since March. Cora was always so uncomfortable in her final weeks and he wished more than anything he was there for her. He wanted to be there for his whole family. Mary's drama with Matthew and Sybil's recent rebelliousness were certainly causing problems when he was last there. Though he hasn't seen his family since January. He felt terrible about it all.

"Sir. Tonight's the night" Thompson whispered to him.

"Right. We must remember that there will be a five minute rotation between the guards so we must waste no time."

"And we're heading East then?"

"Yes. There should be a camp, not far from here." Robert and Thompson had been planning their elaborate escape plan for a while. They'd figured out approximately where they were from observing German maps when no one was watching. Robert knows the positions of nearby ally camps, and he'll get the two of them there. Their plan had required meticulous planning. They'd spent so much time analyzing guard positions and rotation schedules, so they could use stealth to their advantage. Their plan presented many risks, however anything was better than rotting in a foreign trench.

* * *

Night had finally fallen over desolate plains of Belgium. The weather conditions were going to present a challenge, but there was no choice. Robert and Thompson had to leave this night.

"I snatched the keys before the guards left"

"Excellent. And they're gone?"

"Yes sir"

"Alright then, this is our chance." Thompson carefully unlocked the lock, hoping not to make noise. Praying that their insane plan might work. As the door opened, Robert and Thompson made a stealthy exit, always checking their surroundings. They'd mapped it all out, so they knew they were making the right turns. It took them a while to navigate the trenches moving at such a slow pace, but they eventually made it to the east end of the line. It was time to run.

Robert felt his legs moving as fast as they had in a long time. He was using all his energy to run through the endless mud, away from the pit he'd been contained to. He didn't have to run far, but he wasn't sure of how easy it would be when he heard the shouting of German soldiers. The rain of bullets shooting by his head and the sound of reloading only reminding him it wasn't over. When he thought it couldn't get worse, mortars started falling near them and clouds of dirt and smoke made the air thick. He could scarcely breathe. He couldn't see anything, what if he was going the wrong way? He could hear his wingman shouting, but he seemed too far gone. Before he could process it, pieces of shrapnel hit him like a thousand knives and a large explosion threw him backwards. He lay in the mud shell shocked. Blood from he multiple wounds all over his body starting to soak through his dirty uniform. The bullet wound from the day he was captured was stinging from infection. His pain was suddenly more evident to him as he began to feel more and more mortal.

Robert was brought back to reality when he felt somebody pulling him up. At first he thought it was a German and his plan had failed, but he was relieved to see Thompson. The young lad began dragging him along, supporting his weight. They were moving considerably slower, but still fairly quick.

"Sir, it's not that much farther, we can make it but we have to loose them!"

"I can't... move any faster." Roberts body stung all over, the small pieces of shrapnel slowly digging deeper into his flesh. The two of them soldiered on into the dark night, hurrying away from the few soldiers that had followed them. Relief flooded the two of them as they recognized the area from their stolen maps, ally territory.

"We still haven't lost them, I can hear them" Thompson whispered. Robert was fading fast, and he needed to be taken care of immediately.

"I know what I have to do." The lad reached into his pocket and pulled out a lighter. "I retrieved this as we were leaving the trenches, take it and use it to see. If the allies can see you even the slightest bit, they'll recognize the uniform and they'll help you. I'll take care of the Germans." Thompson declared.

"My dear chap, I can't let you do that. I'm the one who is injured, I should be the sacrifice." Robert croaked.

"On the contrary." Thompson turned to the side and Robert immediately recognized a bullet wound, not serious but still painful. "You being injured is no excuse sir. I'm your wingman and this is my choice."

"I can't let you"

"I'm sorry to say this, My Lord, but you don't have a say in the matter." The use of his title brought chills to him. It seemed like forever since he'd heard it.

"You need to go home sir. Good luck with everything." The boy grabbed his gun retrieved from the battlefield and ran off. Robert went in the other direction, lighter tight in his grasp. He heard the shouts from afar and the echoing sound of gunfire, and that was it.

* * *

The world around him seemed strange, foreign, and not completely clear. He was moving, yes, definitely moving. But he couldn't seem to figure out where he was. There was a doctor hovering in the small space around him. The man was obviously trying to communicate with him, but to Robert his voice sounded muffled. Was this a dream? Where was all the mud, the gunfire, the misery.

As his senses became more tuned to what was around him, he could faintly make out a ship. The last place he'd seen had been the makeshift hospital, but even that seemed too good to be true. Now he was on a ship, and not in that bloody battlefield. The doctor continued his rambling. He was an older man, who'd obviously seen many men like him and knew the procedure. He mumbled something about removing all of the shrapnel from his chest and fixing the bullet wounds. Robert had to break the man's procedure, there was something else that was more important.

"Excuse me, but where am I?"

"On a ship, on course for England. There you will be examined further." So he was going home, finally. After so long.

"You must send a telegram to my wife the minute this ship docks."

"I'm sorry but I really don't have the time. The telegram can be sent out once you have been completely registered at..."

"I don't think you understand. My wife is the Countess of Grantham, and I the Earl of Grantham. I demand you to telegram her at Downton Abbey the minute you possibly can!" He was furious. How hard is it to send a simple telegram, but holds so much wonderful news in it's short message. Cora needed to know he was coming home to her.

"Very well, milord." The doctor voice shakily. Obviously, Robert's outburst had startled him a little. But it was what had to be done.

Robert could still feel the pain of his wounds when he moved. The bullet wound from his shoulder, and all over his chest. He became increasingly curious to know what he looked like, what had happened to him. Eventually, during an examination, he caught a glimpse of the raw flesh, the pink scars all over him. The war had scarred him in more ways than one.

* * *

He didn't realize he'd fallen asleep until he woke up to the sounds of footsteps. A nurse came over with a small glass of water, and set it down carefully.

"Must be hard" she said. "Being the last member of your division." Her words hit him like a wall. The last member. They hadn't found Thompson with him, or any other men? All those men dead, and only he remained. It was lucky and unfortunate at the same time. Robert really just wanted to change the subject.

"Would you mind telling me what day it is?"

"May 26th 1915" she smiled. Though Robert didn't want to smile. May, and Cora was due in April. He'd missed it, the birth of their fourth child. He wanted to cry, and shout. Cursing everything around him for keeping him away from her. He'd been gone for four months, and missing for two. She must be worried out of her mind. And she had a baby, their baby, he wasn't even there for her. He could never forgive himself for leaving her alone.

Was she even alive? Was the baby? He'd imagined the birth going so many different ways that now he didn't know what to think. The one word Doctor Clarkson had told him when they talked, _complications_ , still ringed in his ears. The telegram he asked to be sent seemed much more important now.

* * *

"Milady? Milady wake up"

It was O'Brien waking her up so late at night. Cora wanted to snap and cause a fit. Her mother had left a couple of days ago, and she was on her own again. She was always awake taking care of William, which she didn't really mind, but she expected that her son would be the only one waking her. Could she get any sleep? Was that even possible anymore. She knew William would wake up hungry soon, so she at least acknowledged O'Brien instead of pretending she didn't hear her. She only really stifled a grunt in reply.

"I'm sorry for waking you up Milady, but there's a telegram from the war office." Cora was suddenly alert to her situation. The long awaited telegram containing valuable news. She quickly sat up in her bed and took the telegram from O'Brien. She could barely unfold the paper her hands were shaking so much. She pried the paper open and carefully read the contents.

 _Lady Grantham._

 _Lord Grantham has been found and has been released from active service due to multiple injuries._

 _He will be on the 8:00 train from London on May 31st._

Cora couldn't hold back the tears of joy as she examined the words one more time. He was alive, and he was coming home. She simply nodded at O'Brien to wake up the girls and took a moment to herself. She was lucky, so very lucky.

Cora took to her feet and quickly made her way down the hall to the nursery. William was swaddled nicely in cozy blankets, sleeping peacefully in his bassinet. She picked him up gently, not wanting to wake him. He was so precious, and she moved her fingers over his cheeks which were just like his father's. She gave him a slight kiss on his forehead and smiled at him.

"Your Papa will be coming home in a few days. Which means he can finally meet you, he's come back to us" she whispered gently. William let out a soft gurgle in reply, and reached out to grab her fingers. She knew this little boy would be Robert's pride and joy.

* * *

 **Thank you so much for your continued support. And yay! Robert is coming back to Downton!**

 **Anything you recognize from Downton Abbey is not mine.**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Hello guys, I want to apologize for such a late update! Life got kind of crazy for a bit and I'm going on small vacation in a few days and I wanted to get this updated before I left. Hope you enjoy this chapter and happy reading!**

* * *

"Tom, you know I can't right now"

"Sybil, this is what we've been talking about for a while now, we go, get married-"

"No, things are different now"

"What things?"

"I'm... not sure exactly, but I do want to stay near my little brother. I do adore him and they need me here."

"But with His Lordship coming back-"

"Tom, I can't. You have to understand, we'll just have to wait." Sybil didn't want to deny Tom, she really wanted to marry him. She could easily see herself spending her life with this man, but she couldn't. Everything was different now. Even with Papa returning, she was still needed. And her family had seen enough lately, she didn't need to abandon them in a time like this. And she truly didn't want to leave William yet. She loved her little brother dearly, and wanted to see him grow up a bit more before she left.

"Tom,"

"Yes." He sounded a bit exasperated now.

"I'll be ready soon, just not right now." He smiled back at her now, oh how it made her heart skip a beat.

"I'll be waiting." She smiled widely at him and left the garage, taking off into the darkness of the night. She had a small skip in her step on her way back to the abbey, the worked finally seemed to be turning itself around.

* * *

The morning haze blanketed the lush countryside, a scene Robert had missed very much. The rainy spring had left a wonderful bloom in it's wake, and he simply watched it. For so long he stared at nothing but battle scarred lands, coated in mud full of stormy days. How he missed the English countryside.

The train continued to roll by the land he got used to only seeing in his dreams. The occasional jarring movements of the train left him a bit shaken. He was still feeling the presence of his wounds quite a bit, and he knew he would not be healed for a very long time. His thoughts became lost in the countryside, and he couldn't shake the horrifying scenes of battle from his mind. He could still see the men from when he fought in Africa, and now these men. How many souls has he seen leave this world? Far too many for his liking really.

He was relieved when the train stopped at the familiar station. He couldn't see her from where he was sitting, but he knew she was on the platform somewhere. Thinking of Cora seemed to be enough to distract him from his morbid thoughts.

* * *

 _"Now girls, remember what I told you, you must behave."_

 _"But Mama" Mary whined. "You said he'd be here by now." Her signature pout was written all over her face._

 _Robert was finally coming home from South Africa, for good. She and the girls had made their way to the train station in order to welcome him, however Cora underestimated how hard it would be to wait. The four of them had waited for so long, and to say that the girls couldn't come would be cruel. Sadly the Mary and Edith were extremely excited, and couldn't stop asking her when their Papa would arrive. Frankly, Cora was annoyed after answering the same question every three minutes. Sybil was excited as well, but the train was an evening train and she was beginning to feel tired. Sybil simply stood quietly, clasping her Mama's hand and clutching her skirts. Whereas Edith and Mary stood near her, but even with their mother there the girls argued. Though deep down, they all shared the same desire. Their Papa._

 _It was a long, painful wait. The four of them all teaming with joy, after being riddled with fear for the last three years. God, Cora hoped she'd never have to do this again._

Cora knew she was one of the lucky wives, but she couldn't help but feel cursed. She'd already gone through this once, stood on the same platform with relief. It was different then, she had three young daughters, and she was younger herself. Now, she had a baby, without Robert there. He went missing and with him her happiness was lost. Cora looked back on the last couple of months of her pregnancy and wanted to cry. The misery, coping without Robert. She doesn't want to think about it, but her troubles seem to follow her around.

Cora continued to pace on the platform. The morning sun illuminating her face and a light breeze brushing her neck. She took the sunny day as a positive omen, which some found ridiculous but she wished to think positively for the day. The station was fairly empty, a few women, war wives, were scattered around. But otherwise, Cora found serenity being out of the house.

Ever since William was born just over a month ago, she hadn't been out much. Her recovery time was uncomfortably long and she wasn't exactly in the mood for socialization. Though she's been starting to perk up, ever since that faithful telegram arrived.

Before she left, she'd woken up little William. She knew he would probably fall back asleep after she'd left, but she hoped that he'd still be awake when she got home with Robert. It would be nice for him to meet his Papa while he was awake. Since Cora had not left the house much, she'd been spending most of her time with William. Now that she wasn't there when he woke up, she felt detached and seemed to have withdrawal issues from him. The whole household had taken to him really, but she didn't mind. He'd grow up surrounded by people who cherish him, that's all the wanted for him.

Mary once mentioned Carson, and how she felt that William might become his new favourite. It seemed almost true as Carson would smile at the sight of him and often say "good morning" the the little Viscount Downton. Though he wouldn't always be little, something Cora didn't like to think about because she loves having little William to coo over.

After what felt like forever, there was a noise in the distance, gradually building with sound. The train was hard to see through the blinding sunlight, but it was still so clear to her. It was like that was what mattered the most out of this whole scene, the train and it's precious cargo. The train slowly came to a halt and the platform became barely visible through all of the smoke. She carefully moved forward, making sure to examine everywhere she looked so that she didn't miss Robert.

As if it was a dream, before she got very far, a figure emerged from the first class car. Robert. He made his way in her direction, the outline of his figure becoming clearer as he neared. She could already see the morning sunlight shining off of his medals, and the trim of his army uniform. When the smoke cleared, he stood before her on the platform, her Robert. Cora wanted to pinch herself to wake up from such a dream, but she couldn't for the gallant man before her was really him. She'd visualized this scene before, fantasized about it, but none of that compared to what it really was. Two parts of a person, becoming one once more. Her heart was whole, and without command her feet began to carry her towards him. When she got closer she could see the emotion on his face, the beginnings of tears in his eyes and she knew her own we're already cascading down her face. She stopped right in front of him when he put his hands on her cheeks. They looked at each other for a split second before Robert captured her lips in a passionate kiss. Obviously he didn't care if he was making a scene, and frankly she didn't care either.

His calloused hands caressed her cheeks and went to rest on her shoulders. They had to break their kiss, solely for the purpose of being able to breathe. Though Cora could not catch her breath no matter how hard she tried. Robert quickly folded her into a tight embrace, which she returned. She rested her head right below his chin, leaving tear streaks on his uniform. She could hear his soft cries as well, he was trembling and breathing deeply.

"Cora, I love you so much my darling. So very much"

"I've missed you Robert, more than you could ever know. I.." She couldn't exactly get the words out, her emotions seemed to make her incapable for anything but embracing Robert.

After spending a great deal of time in each other's arms, the stepped back to truly take in one another.

"Cora, you look lovely, and radiant." She could feel his eyes examining her body, mostly resting on where her pregnant belly had been last time he saw her. "I'm so sorry" he mumbled, pretty much to himself. She could see it in his eyes, the sadness and regret, but she couldn't dwell on the past. They had to move forward.

* * *

The ride back to Downton consisted of simply taking comfort in the other's presence. Robert held Cora's hand so tightly he thought he would turn it blue. He glanced between the familiar estate and Cora, enjoying the comforting view of both. Of course, he'd been welcomed back by the servants and his family. He could almost swear that Carson had a single tear in his eye, but the loyal butler was sometimes hard to read. The family had obviously been emotional about his return, and he felt beyond relief to see them. His lovely daughters, clutching the fabric of his uniform tightly. His mother's normally statuesque face lit up with emotion. It all made him relax, he finally felt free to love again.

Robert now stood in the great hall, simply staring at the room he knew so well. Identifying every detail, Robert took a deep breath and let the familiar stone pillars comfort him. Downton was his home, and how good it was to be back. The family and staff had disappeared, the echoes died until all he could hear was Cora approaching him.

Just then, she put a gentle hand on his shoulder and grasped his arm, clinging on for dear life. Though she slipped away from him to go meet with the nanny who had recently appeared. He'd been so focused on his own thoughts he hadn't even not coed her. Robert was only snapped out of his reverie when the nanny addressed him, welcoming him home. To which, he thanked her.

"I just came to tell Your Ladyship that Lord Downton is awake at the moment"

Lord Downton. Did she just say Lord Downton? The title of his heir, his apparent son still rang in his ears. Had he heard he correctly? Roberts jaw dropped and he felt all his breath thrust out of his body. His and Cora's little boy, the Viscount Downton, was currently cooing in his crib upstairs. Cora must have noticed his state of shock and joy because she clasped his hand tightly.

"Surprise" she whispered. A wide smile appeared on her face and she glowed, out of love and pride. Robert couldn't feel his legs, or anything for that matter. He felt numb, and it took Cora's steady hand to lead him towards the stairs.

"Robert, are you alright?"

"I'm overjoyed, my darling." Oh, how much he'd missed her. He followed her angelic lead down the corridor until reaching a room he never thought he'd see his own child in again. Robert couldn't deny he was nervous, he was meeting their son for the first time. And he was already just over a month old, how would the little one react to him. It was like when Mary was born all over again, though with a sadder twist.

Cora gently pushed the ornate door opened and stepped inside, Robert closely behind her. The sunlight bathed the nursery in a magical glow, which illuminated the figures in the room. Robert saw Cora reaching down into the crib, picking up a squirming baby wrapped in a light blanket. His son, his and Cora's, Robert still couldn't really grasp reality. She cooed softly at him, and in response Robert could see a small hand waving around, eventually touching her cheek.

"Robert, meet your son, William Robert Crawley." Her gaze quickly found William's. "Now, be a good boy for your Papa." She carefully handed him over to Robert, and he began to fuss. It was simply because Robert had never held him before and he was confused by the new figure. Though when Cora put her hand near his, the little boy grasped as many fingers as he could with his tiny hand, and that calmed him down a bit.

"He's a bit squirmy right now, though it seems that he already is taken with you." Cora was right, William's eyes met his, the identical pair of deep blue eyes. He stared intently at Robert, finally capturing the image of his father. He ran one hand over William's dark mop of fuzz on his head, seeing how he had inherited Cora's dark hair colour. It wasn't exactly curly like hers, but still identical enough he knew he would always think of her when he looked at it. Cora's lips, delicate nose and perfect ivory skin had been passed down to William, and Robert was thankful for the boy bearing resemblance to his gorgeous mother. Though Robert could tell that the rest of his features were close to his, and he really didn't mind that. Robert fancied himself a bit too.

"He's the perfect mix of the two of us" he gasped.

"I know, he's a miracle"

"I love you so much Cora. I can't express it enough." He leaned in for a passionate kiss on his wife's lips, finding solace in the smell of her perfume and the way she tasted. He'd been wanting to do that for a painfully long time.

* * *

Robert didn't know what time it was, but it seemed ungodly. The house was eerily silent, even William was. And Cora had fallen asleep long ago, clutching his pyjama shirt. Moonlight trickled in through the drapes and accented Cora's long lashes over her closed eyes, the serene look that was spread across her face. Oh, how he wished he was that peaceful. The only comfort to him was her, though he couldn't burden her with his problem on his first night back. So he just watched her, the slow rise and fall of her chest. They way her lashes flickered, almost like fireflies with their light. Though, she really was his light so the look suited her well. He bent his head down a bit to inhale the scent of her hair. He'd already done this many times already, but it was a comfort to him. The way her soft skin felt against his rough hands, how serene. She was his home, wherever she was, he belonged. Yes, he really was home now. Then why did he feel like he wasn't all at the same time?

* * *

 **Robert is home and has finally met little William! To be honest, I teared up a bit when writing. Anyways, hope you enjoyed and anything you may recognize from Downton Abbey is not my property.**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Hello guys! I'm back from my vacation and all caught up with life, so I'm trying to get back in the swing of things. I am sorry that I've been kind of aloof lately and I've made you wait so long, truly. Anyways, I'm now back and I'm excited to update this story for you lovely readers. So with that, happy reading!**

* * *

Robert woke with a sudden shock; his breathing was heavy and tiny beads of sweat were forming at his hairline. He was sat upright in the large bed, gasping for relief. He looked around the dark room, feeling even more haunted when it took him a minute to recognize it. A room he called partly his, and he barely knew it. Images from his nightmare continued to flash before his eyes and he couldn't seem to calm himself down. He could still see the dreary skies of Belgium, the muddy trenches filled with cold bodies. He could hear the cries of his men, which would become their last words. Robert felt the wounds as if they were fresh, he sensed that he wasn't alone. He was haunted by the memories of men lost in battle, he was the last to see them alive. He was the only one to survive, though he believed the others deserved it more.

Why must he carry this burden alone? To see so many lives lost, to steal a man's final moments away from his loved ones. The sensation followed him around, like a weight on his back. It clouded him, and it became its worst at night.

However what truly disturbed Robert was through all of his emotion, he would become frightened when he felt another body next to him. Even though it was his lovely wife, it took a moment for him to process it. His nightmares made it out to be a German soldier dragging him to his death, though in reality Cora simply wanted to snuggle closer to him. It broke Robert's heart that after all these years, his wife couldn't always comfort him.

Once Robert had finally controlled his breathing and his muscles relaxed, he bent over to peek at Cora's gentle features. She is so peaceful when she sleeps, and beautiful. As if it was a habit, he lightly caressed her cheek with the back of his hand while watching the calm rise and fall of her chest. As illogical as it sounds, Robert would check if she was even still breathing. He didn't really know why, she wasn't exactly in danger. Sadly, he has begun to think that it had become a force of habit to make sure the person beside you was still part of this world. In such a sad reality, Robert feared for his loved ones so much he felt that he was intruding. And he couldn't love them the same as he had been able to before. After so many man had died and he's lived, was he even worthy of love? Or was he simply a coward?

Not wanting to disturb his wife and her serenity, he gently rose from the bed and gathered up his dressing gown. Quietly shuffling towards the adjoining door, he took one last look at his sleeping wife and contemplated his decision. Though he went through with his choice of sleeping in his dressing room for the night after looking at her again. Surely another nightmare will wake her, and she'll worry. Cora didn't need to know all that, she couldn't really understand. Robert believed that it would be simpler to put a wall between them and so he did. Reluctantly, he retired to the cold and unfeeling air of his dressing room.

* * *

Cora usually enjoyed waking up in the mornings, mostly because she would often do so with her husband next to her. However this morning she was more than upset when he wasn't there, and as silly as it may sound she started to panic. She worried constantly whether he might be gone, or that she was alone and Robert coming home was all a dream. The only thing that calmed her was when O'Brien came to dress her and mentioned how she'd heard him talking with Mr. Carson earlier about the staff. To be honest, Cora wasn't paying any attention to what her lady's' maid was saying and more to her family matters.

Cora always loved to visit William, it was definitely her favourite thing to do. She had a routine, she'd enter the nursery after speaking with the Nanny for a bit, who she really didn't need. She found it a bit unsettling though, when she'd heard how Robert had already spent time with William. Was he avoiding her?

"Good morning my darling" she cooed, which was met by a little smile from her son. At least the little one was paying more attention to her than her husband was. Thinking of him was almost painful because she was always reminded of the time where he was missing, and how she wanted him home. Her Robert. Sadly this wasn't him, he'd changed and so had she, but they needed each other. What went wrong?

As if on cue, Robert quickly strode into the room, stopping in his tracks when he saw her. Oddly, he didn't say anything to her, all he did was shoot a shy smile her way. Cora saw no reason why he should be shy, they'd been married for almost three decades now. All he did was stand next to her, playing with William's little fingers and toes.

"Robert, why are you avoiding me?" She questioned softly.

"Don't be ridiculous Cora, I'm not avoiding you"

"You most certainly are. You hardly speak to me, and when I woke up this morning you weren't even there. This is the first time I've even seen you all day."

"Well Cora, I've just been busy"

"Robert, I know you aren't overly busy. Just tell me what is the matter." She spoke with an edge to her voice, Roberts ridiculous behaviour was making her quite frustrated.

"It's none of your business," he snapped back. His anger was beginning to flare like it normally does. "And even if it was, you wouldn't possibly understand." Before Cora could make a rebuttal to his comment he was already gone, off to pretend that their conversation never happened. William whimpered softly in the background.

"It's alright little one, your Papa is just having a moment." Or at least she hoped his behaviour wouldn't continue.

* * *

Mary stood on the platform like her mother did not so long ago, waiting for the train filled with soldiers. However the circumstances were terribly different, she wasn't waiting for her husband, or even fiancé. She was simply waiting for the man she loved, Matthew, to step off the train and proved he had lived to see her again. The rupture that had been placed between her and Matthew hadn't been fixed, but she was willing to try. She wanted to be with him, she wanted love. And he was destined for so much, so she would still have excellent prospects.

The awaited train pulled into the station and Mary could feel the anticipation rising in her belly. She knew he wasn't going to be overjoyed to see her, but it wasn't as if they were uncivilized. Things were just, awkward.

"Matthew, how wonderful it is to see you," she cheered as he strides over to her.

"It's good to see you too, Mary." There was a certain tension in his voice, and Mary's speech began to tumble out of her mouth before she could think.

"Matthew, I know you aren't specifically here to see me, but I just want to let you know that the fact that I have a brother changes nothing. I have decided that I don't care if you are the heir or not, because I want to spend my life with you, it's that simple." It almost sounded like she was pleading to him, begging him to take her.

"But it's not simple Mary, you've made it anything but that. I have been nothing but honest with you, but only to find out that you didn't trust me with your largest secret was painful. And to not even hear it from you, but from Edith, I don't understand. How can we have anything if we don't have trust? And of course the fact that it took you more than nine months to decide if you are interested in me without the possibility of a title is not exactly reassuring."

"It wasn't that long! I was waiting to tell you in person," her voice choked a bit at the end, the conversation was only spiralling out of control.

"I'm not here to argue with you Mary, I'm here to visit my family. I'm sorry, but I need more time to think." It was pointless to call after him, he'd made up his mind. However, she'd be waiting if he decided to come back, or when he decided.

* * *

Sybil loved this time of year, she always felt more of a freedom in the air. Maybe it was simply a morning stroll in the warm air, a light breeze caressing her skin. Though Sybil's satisfaction mostly came from standing outside, and when a gust of wind would come she'd let it catch beneath her arms. It was always something she loved doing as a little girl, and sometimes she too felt as free as the wind.

She'd been going to see Tom more often, so much so that he knew of almost all of the current gossip. She really enjoyed his company, mostly because he was different than who she's used to. Must be for the same reason Papa, enjoyed Mama so much, she was different. Sybil had heard the stories when she was a little girl, how her mother and father came to be one. When Mama left the room, Papa would go on just about her. How she was so distinct amongst all of the women, not only for her beauty but simply for who she was, and it showed. And he had felt comfortable around her and he'd honestly enjoyed her company, and it only grew from there. Every man that night had followed her around like a puppy, and of course there was more to the story but Sybil would usually get too tired. Papa always told his little girls that they need to find their own unique person, to "choose the person who you would notice first in a ballroom." And for her now, it was Tom. Sadly it wasn't time, not yet, she had to be patient with her family and with time.

Sybil liked to stay distracted from the handsome chauffeur by going to visit her brother. Honestly, little William gets so much attention that she's amazed he has time to sleep. She liked to walk around with him a bit, hum a little tune he could fall asleep to.

Thankfully when she found him in his crib he was wide awake, so he shouldn't be terribly fussy. His little ocean blue eyes lit up when she lifted him up, and his little hand reached up to touch her cheek. Oh he was such a joy! However, Sybil wasn't quite ready to admit that he might be cuter than she was.

"Hello little brother. Let's go for a walk, shall we?" She rather hoped that she wouldn't run into Mama or Papa while walking around because she knew how busy they were, and William would only want their attention if he saw them. Also, they'd been acting rather distant lately, and it was a bit unnerving.

"Well William, it seems that you are the only Crawley without any problems with love. Everyone loves you," she joked. Sadly, it was true, everyone had their own little problems. Even Mama and Papa, and with him being fresh from the war he wasn't always in a great mood.

"I know you probably want Mama, little one. I'm sorry but she's very busy so you're stuck with me. Don't worry though, I'm sure they'll visit you soon." It felt more like an empty promise, she didn't really know if they would be able to, maybe they'd go separately...

Life was truly a cruel game.

* * *

Robert felt his senses come alive at the feeling of Cora's heated breath on his neck. He could feel her heart pounding in her chest as his body was pressed against hers. He currently had her back pressed against the door, his lips kissing every possible inch of ivory skin he could find. He could feel his pleasure building, hers as well. The touching intensified, and all he wanted to do was to make love to her right against the door. It was so hard to hold back, the last time they'd done this was when William was conceived. When he was home for Christmas, Cora was pregnant and he didn't want to hurt her. But now, he was free to worship her body in the best way.

Knowing it would be improper for their first reunion to be against the ornate door of her room, he neared her closer to the bed and laid her down on her back. He quickly removed her night gown so her could cherish her body, but when she went to remove his shirt he became defensive. He blocked her hand, distracted her with further attention to her breasts. They were much larger now that she had William, and he took pleasure in it. Once he was inside her, he felt all of his insecurities wash away. Their movements started in a frenzy, but by the end they moved together, and the moans were music to his ears.

He didn't realize he'd fallen asleep until he woke up later, the room room dark and Cora sleeping soundly beside him. Luckily she was wearing her nightgown once again so he wouldn't be afraid to loose control. Oh, oh no. Only in this moment did Robert realize what he's done. He'd taken advantage of her, he wanted her body. And as he looked at her now, that's what he wanted and he felt like smacking himself for it. Cora didn't deserve this, and it was what he was afraid out. Knowing she still wanted him cleared his insecurities, but what had he done for her. Oh how he felt guilty. He couldn't stay, for so many reasons he just couldn't; and it made him feel worse.

Robert tried to discretely climb out of the bed and cower to his dressing room, but he supposed he didn't do a good job when he heard Cora's soft voice from behind him.

"Robert? Robert where are you going?"

"Just for a walk Cora. It's nothing,"

"You're going to your dressing room, aren't you?" Her tone was sad, and a bit accusatory. She wasn't at all happy with him.

"Cora-"

"Don't lie to me Robert. You go there every night, and even tonight. I thought that after making love with you would keep you around, but apparently you got what you wanted and that's that." She was now standing. He could see the storm clouds brewing in her blue eyes in the moonlight. "It seems like you're still the same man from that first year. Taking what you want from me, thinking it will last forever, she spat. "You barely even talk to me anymore," she sighed. Bringing up their first year of marriage hit Robert hard, it wasn't something he was proud of. And it wasn't at all the same situation now, he didn't really know what it was and he wanted it to end. Though her rage hadn't at all ended, it seemed she had this built up for a log time.

"Go."

"What?"

"Leave Robert. Get out of _my_ room." There were a bit of tears in her eyes, though she stood up a bit straighter and clenched her fists by her side, bracing for a fight. Robert went to touch her shoulder, embrace her and hopefully calm her down. Though at the touch of his hand, she shrugged it off and backed away from him, pushing slightly against his chest. "I won't ask again Robert. Leave."  
With that he knew that fighting her would make it worse than it already was. He calmly retreated to his cold, dark dressing room to sleep in a lonely bed. He plopped himself on the edge of hit and placed his head in his hands. He felt a lone tear cascade down his cheek.

He didn't get an ounce of sleep that night.

* * *

 **Once again, anything that you recognize from Downton Abbey is not my property.**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Hey guys! I'm overjoyed that you guys didn't forget about me or hate me because I didn't update for so long (lol), but I'm back now so I can continue with this story. Thank you so much once again for the amazing support, you guys are awesome! Happy reading!**

* * *

 _June 1915,_

Ever since his argument with Cora, their relationship had been stagnant. He rarely spoke a word to her, same with her to him. They avoided each other, and of course, Robert hadn't stepped foot into her room since that awful night, well, he would when she's sleeping but that was it. The night where he truly messed everything up. Now, sleep was hard to come by, and so was happiness.

This night wasn't any different, we woke up to the echoes of screams, only to remember that in reality they weren't there. Oddly enough, he'd often wish they were, he was so used to silence meaning death, and now he had trouble coping with it. The darkness of his dressing room, the cold air, the silence all reflected his newborn fears. The perspiration along his hairline only symbolizing the horrors he would keep imagining. What was worse than his imaginations was the fact that they were derived from what he's seen, what he's experienced.

He found it comforting when William would cry, simply because it reminded him he wasn't alone. He could never bring himself to go to his son, he just needed to hear the crying. The reminder that not all was lost because of him. Cora would go to William, he could hear her delicate footsteps pacing around the halls, her low whispers to him. He loved hearing her voice, to know she was still with him too.

This night was oddly silent, William hadn't woken up hungry and he hadn't heard Cora. The only thing to be heard was his heavy breathing, which he was sure even the servants could hear. Becoming afraid of the growing silence, Robert took it upon himself to soothe his tortured mind. He slipped on his dressing gown and shuffled down the hall to where his little boy was sleeping. Oh, how he'd grown even since he got home. Though he was still the same sweet child, Robert could only thank Cora for that trait.

Walking over to the crib, he made sure to stay silent and to keep his distance. He didn't need Cora being cross with him for yet another thing. And Robert found it hard to take care of William, it just brought back memories. He looked at his son, but could always see the corpses of the young men he left behind. And it tore him apart from the insides, of course Robert would simply keep his distance in order to avoid such an emotion. It was unnecessary, his demons would hide soon enough and he'd be normal again. Oh, but how hard it was for him. Things that once seemed so simple and pointless now matter to him, or maybe don't matter at all. He's seen hell, and that is an accurate description of what it was, or what it is. He sees it, hears it, feels it and for some reason smells it, death.

How do the others continue with their lives, knowing that such horror took place in their lifetime? How did any of them manage to sleep at night, or get up in the morning? Such questions continued to puzzle him when he lied awake through the cold and dismal night.

The last part of his routine was to check on Cora, she never knew he was there so it didn't hurt. Their separation hurt him, and Robert is almost certain she feels the same way. Sadly, for some reason they would be hurt either way.

He slowly opened the adjoining door from his dressing room to her room, or really their room, and he made sure to do it quietly. The last thing he needed was for her to wake up and find him watching her sleep and then for another argument to break out. He slowly padded over to her side of the bed, grabbing a spare blanket on the way. Even with the new summer heat, she looked a little cold. He didn't want her to ever feel cold again, or never feel like him surviving the harsh winter. Angels weren't meant to be tortured and punished, she was his angel to a sinner. Oh, how he would never feel good enough for her again.

He draped the light blanket over her delicate figure, gently so not to disturb her. Once he'd decided that she looked peaceful, he pressed a light, practically unnoticeable, kiss to her forehead. How could such an angel ever understand the depths of hell?

* * *

Morning had finally come, and Robert had risen earlier than usual. Getting most of his work done, he was only finishing a couple of tasks when Cora entered the small library where he was.

"Robert," she said in a very emotionless voice, completely unlike her. Her shoulders were squared back, almost bracing herself for an aggressive response.

"Cora," he nodded. "You look nice this morning."

"Don't try to flatter me Robert, that's not why I'm here. I want to discuss us. I'm giving you a chance to explain why you are treating me in such a way. Because, if you need to talk I'm here."

"It's nothing Cora."

"Really now," she snipped at him. "Because this doesn't seem like nothing."

"Well it's nothing you'd understand," he tried to exit this conversation as quickly as possible and retreated towards the door. Cora quickly blocked his path.

"Robert, I won't take this. I won't take you treating me like an invalid, talking about how I don't understand. I do Robert, I do understand your wartime troubles, and I know you're suffering but you can't hold me down like I'm your dog-"

"Stop. Stop!" He cut her off, but she quickly kept going. Oh how he hated to have the painful truth spat back at him.

"Well I hate to break it to you Robert, but you aren't the only tortured soul under this roof. Do you understand what happened to me! To everyone else!..." Her voice was breaking a little, tears forming as she revisits painful memories. "And I don't think you understand how it felt to know you were missing, and the wanted to presume you dead. You do not know how it felt to sit here, pregnant with your child and wonder if it will ever meet its father! The fact that the very child that you neglect is the reason I almost died is painful enough Robert! So don't you dare imply that I don't understand pain-"

"Cora stop this at once! Just stop!" He couldn't handle it, a painful reality becoming increasingly prevalent to him. He couldn't take it, and he could feel himself loosing control, his heart was racing and beads of sweat formed upon his brow. It was harder to breathe, but she kept talking and he just couldn't take it anymore. Without thinking, he reached out and gripped her shoulders, and the angry words tumbled out of his mouth.

"For gods sake Cora, stop! What I live through every day is unimaginable to you! You think you know but you don't, and you never will!" Once his anger had ran out, he finally had time to process what he did. He still held her tightly in his grip, his face close to hers. He could see the shock, sadness and terror written across her face. Oh my, what has he done!

He quickly removed his hands and caught his breath, he could feel his own sadness building at the sight of Cora.

"Cora, I'm so terribly sorry, that wasn't me... I... I didn't mean to," he reached out to place a gentle hand on her but before he could she backed away. He really wasn't sure what corrupted him to do such a thing, but he instantly wanted to take it all back.

"Tell me when you are truly home Robert," she whispered. She quickly slipped out of the room before he could catch her and he knew that he'd made the damage worse, much worse. Today, he had truly committed a sin. He hurt Cora, his love and he didn't know how to forgive himself.

* * *

"Mary?" Sybil had managed to find her sister

"Oh, Sybil darling I was actually looking for you. I was wondering if you borrowed one-"

"Mary this is more important than whatever you're worried about, please listen." Sybil knew Mary would listen to her, she always had a way with her older sisters. It was frankly an excellent advantage for her.

"I'm honestly worried for Mama and Papa, I mean, I heard shouting coming from the small library. And it was awfully loud, I don't think I've ever heard them argue like that." Which was very true, this was completely unlike her parents to behave in such a way. Though really, she only knew them as her parents and not themselves, so maybe she was wrong. Even a look of concern flashed on Mary's face, before she wiped it away.

"Darling Sybil, all couples argue, it's natural. I'm sure Mama and Papa are just a normal couple."

"Yes, I know that, but you can't deny they've been acting rather odd lately, I mean off for them. I'm pretty sure Granny has noticed because she was asking questions at dinner the other night. I don't think she was as discrete as she wanted to be," she chuckled at the end. If her parents' problem was major enough that the family and staff were catching on, then this must concern the whole family.

"Sybil, I'm sure whatever it is, Mama and Papa will work it out. If what you are thinking is that this is permanent, you're wrong, they wouldn't live if it was permanent." Sybil decided to accept her sister's answer, it made most sense to her. And of course she wanted to believe in the optimistic ending, it wouldn't do her good to worry about the worst. The house was eerily quiet as the sound of Mary's heels disappeared, not even William dared to make a sound from upstairs. The large pillars of the great hall loomed over her, and she couldn't help but thinking about all they had seen. Had they ever seen a chapter life so tragic? Of course, Sybil's dismal mood was not improved by the sudden change of weather. Torrential rain was to be expected in England, but she still felt gloomy even after living with it for so long. Oddly enough, she saw her father standing in the doorway, observing the little droplets hitting the pebbles, and she knew that standing around being poetic wasn't his thing. However, going over to him might make things worse, so she decided to leave him be, to let him have time to himself. Instead, she decided to go visit Tom, he usually cheered her up quite a bit.

* * *

"You called Mama?"

"Really Robert, you don't have to sound so displeased to see me," Violet knew this would be his reaction, but she's called him anyways. The subject at hand couldn't wait.

"I just don't see why it was so urgent," he sighed as he sat down across from her.

"What is going on between you and Cora?"

"Mama, I don't know where you are getting-"

"Robert, it's extremely obvious that you and your wife are in some sort of a disagreement. You are always so affectionate that it's improper, so why are things different." Violet only joked about him and Cora, she was truly happy that he had found such a lovely marriage even though part of her didn't approve.

"If you must know, it's more than a disagreement but that is all I will tell you." Why did her son have to be so cryptic at the worst of times, it was always something that annoyed her about his father.

"Is it about the war? I know you haven't been the same since you returned to Downton." It seemed like she's got him caught, he'd tell her because obviously this was a cause of distress for him. Oh, she really did know him because right then, things started to become clearer.

"I told Cora she wouldn't understand my problems... what I've been through and such. Unfortunately, she didn't react well, she mentioned her own suffering. And I was wondering, Mama, what you aren't telling me." Well, he'd managed to shift the conversation to her, but at least he'd told her what was wrong.

"Robert, I don't think that you should hear such details-"

"Just tell me Mama, because Cora won't even look at me."

"Well Robert, where do I start? I mean to say the emotional trauma of you missing and her pregnancy was quite a lot. And she kept doing your work even though Rosamund and the girls wanted to take over. When it came time for William's birth, she'd already been struggling for a long time. It was very reminiscent of Sybil's birth, but everything seemed good at the beginning." She could see him becoming increasingly uncomfortable, and this wasn't the sort of details she should be telling her son but he needed to hear it. "Cora suffered massive bleeding, Clarkson managed to stop it but he was close to having her bleed out, right there. Mary and Rosamund were with her, and they saw first hand exactly what she went through and her recovery was also long and painful." Violet wasn't exactly sure how he would react to such news, but when she looked closely she could see his wall beginning to crumble.

* * *

Robert couldn't believe it, how could he have treated Cora in such a way after what he did to her before all this. Ignoring her then taking advantage of her, abusing her. He was a monster, though the war had already proved that.

"I-I don't know what to say..." He was on the brink of an emotional breakdown, he had been for a while. The confirmation of him being completely wrong with unjustified actions drove him to what he thought the point of insanity. Even though it was his mother before him, it didn't seem to matter anymore.

"I can't. I can't do this. Mama... I hurt her... This morning I grabbed her shoulders and yelled at her. She doesn't deserve that, but it's not my fault I've changed. I see things differently, I don't sleep. I can't-"

"Robert," she cut him off and gazed at him with a sympathetic stare. "Don't tell me, tell Cora."

"But-"

"I know you've been changed, but so has she, go to your wife Robert." He was so conflicted, would Cora even listen after what happened this morning? Wasn't he supposed to protect her? It was all wrong, completely wrong. After so much time spent apart, they shouldn't be longing for more of it. And Cora must feel the same way, his beautiful wife would listen and have a kind heart. She'd listen to him, and he promised himself go listen to her.

After Bates left that night, he made sure that O'Brien had left before he knocked softly on the door. Opening it gently after no response, he saw her sitting on the chaise longue, clutching his pillow. She looked equally sad and happy to see him in the threshold.

"I need to talk with you Cora, please." She lowered her eyes, avoiding his gaze and hoping to hide her fragile state.

"I need you too, Robert."

* * *

 **Ohh, that was an emotional roller coaster (sorry guys hehe). Once again, anything you may recognize from Downton is not my own (though I wish it was haha).**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Hey guys! So this will probably be the second last chapter of this story, but don't worry because I do plan on writing a sequel eventually. Though I will do a couple of things before I get to that (I'm thinking of doing a modern AU). Anyways, I just want to thank every single one of you for your lovely support, and you guys are such a great group of readers. Anyways, happy reading!**

* * *

Robert felt extremely uncomfortable in the situation he was currently presented with. Emotions weren't his strong suit, and he really didn't know how to talk to Cora about his. She'd probably think of him as ridiculous, for believing in such things. Though at the same time, that just wasn't her. It was in moments like his when Robert realized just how far gone he really was. Goodness, it was like he'd forgotten his own wife, his angel.

Though right now she resembled a child more than the strong woman she really is. She was curled up the the chaise longue, clutching his pillow close to her. Her piercing blue eyes simply stared at him, and he wondered if she could see straight through him. Could she see all of his secrets and nightmares that he had written on his heart? All of the sins that were to be buried with him. Oh how he wish he did, for selfish reasons, he didn't want to explain it himself.

At the same time, he wanted to be able to see straight through her. His mother had told him what happened, or really what could have happened. Though he knew that Cora would feel more complex emotions than his dear Mama could describe. And as she sat there, the moonlight bathing her pale skin with a glow, he thought of her almost as a ghost. A ghost of a world gone by, replaced with a far more dismal one.

"I never meant to hurt you Cora, you know if never do anything like that on purpose." He wanted to apologize profusely after hurting her so badly, but he knew that he should keep in control of himself.

"I know Robert, don't worry, I know. You're not yourself now, but if you want to talk-"

"Let's talk in the morning," he declared. Putting this off for another night might be better. Besides, he's tired and can't think straight. "Let's go to bed." Cora was a bit shocked at his declarations, and obviously wanted to object him. But seeing that she was in a fragile state she probably didn't want to argue, instead fall asleep next to her beloved husband. As the two of them climbed into their bed, Robert could sense the tension just by the fact Cora slept farther from him. He was a bit put off by it, but he understood. Not wanting to spark a conflict with asking her, he reached over to turn the light out. Simply praying that he would finally sleep for one night.

* * *

He didn't know what ghastly hour it was, but he was glad that he was awake and that Cora was still there. He could feel the sweat upon his brow, and he remembered fragments of his nightmares. They were always the same, he'd see his comrades die under his command, and himself. The worst part was surely when he'd see his grave and Cora's beside his, with a little boy crying on his knees in front of them.

The same dreams he'd had while in the war, and they never escaped him. All his fears, compiled into stories that unraveled in his head. Though Robert knew where some of hem came from, after all, he'd abandoned his men and left them to die. Well, he felt like he did. Why did he have to live? These young men had lives ahead of him, and he is a selfish Earl who can't even control himself. He'd abandoned Cora and William, it was like he'd already lost them.

Immediately feeling the fear rising, he reached for Cora. His breathing accelerated and he could feel his heart wanting to explode from his chest. His sweaty palms reached over and gently shook his wife's shoulder.

"Cora. Cora wake up," he pleaded. She stirred a bit before snapping awake and sitting upright. His hand was still shaking her shoulder and he felt himself start to panic.

"Robert, darling what is it?" She reached her hand up to touch his cheek, her thumb caressing the coarse skin. "You're safe, you're at Downton. I'm here darling, I'm here." He could feel a couple of stray tears spill over and fall onto her hand that rested on his cheek.

"I killed them, I let them die. They should be the ones living, why is it me?. Tell me why. Why?" He was crying, like a child, but he didn't have time to be embarrassed. His heart still beat faster than a hummingbird, and he was forgetting himself.

"Who Robert? Who are you talking about?"

"The men! No, the boys... I let them die. It's all my fault. Their deaths are on me." Thankfully, Cora remained quite calm. And reached up to wipe a tear away with her thumb. She ran her fingers through his hair and looked at him with tears in her own eyes.

"You're wrong, it's not your fault Robert. None of it is, these are not your sins. You weren't the one to pull the trigger."

"Why am I still here, why take so many young boys?" Cora looked stunned at his response, but her expression immediately turned to one of pity. Both their attentions, however, shifted when they heard William crying from down the hall. Cora reluctantly got up from the bed and wordlessly made her way down the hall. She was gone for a bit, long enough for Robert to suspect she was feeding William. Meanwhile, he tried to calm himself down for her, but he couldn't. And he hated himself for it. He ran his fingers through his hair cursing himself, he couldn't seem to stop. He was the husband, he had to protect her. He'd failed at that job obviously, and now there was nothing left but for him to be angry at himself, and sad. Sad of what his life had become.

* * *

Robert was surprised when the door creaked open and he saw Cora, carrying a sleeping William in her arms. His little two month old son had one hand grasping Cora's nightgown, which brought a little bit of light to his eyes. Cora carefully sat down next to him, keeping her eyes on William.

"This, this is why," she whispered.

"Why what?"

"Why you have a reason in this world Robert. You have a lovely home, and a lovely family. Don't throw all of that away because you can't forgive yourself for something you didn't do."

Cora was right of course, she usually was. Though it didn't soothe him as much as he hoped it would. The scar the war had left on him was extremely large and complex, and it only kept growing.  
"Some of my father's last words to me, was to always cherish what I have. And so that's what I'm telling you Robert." The rough all of this, she hadn't looked at him. Yet he could still tell that she was tearing up, and he understood now, and only now. That she probably felt like this already, that she had nothing left. That she was a burden on other people's lives, and he suddenly understood her wise words to him.

"Hold him please Robert?" She asked so gently.

"I can't. He doesn't deserve me, a father with so much blood on his hands."

"Forgive yourself Robert, and let it go." She began to pass William over to him. And Robert began to cry again, a couple of stray tears being wiped away by Cora's fingers. William's face was lit by the moonlight glow, and the love he felt for him and Cora made her words make even more sense to him. Robert carefully played with William's little pyjamas and blanket, and Cora smiled at what seemed to be a change in him. Of course he still felt unstable, but better in some strange way. Robert ran his fingers over the dark hair that was on William's head, and he left a gentle little kiss on his hairline. It reminded him of Cora, who gently took the little boy away to take him back to the nursery.

* * *

Once again, Robert was left alone to his thoughts. It seemed neither of them would be getting a proper sleep tonight. Robert felt the same emotions he'd had earlier circle back, and once again he felt angry at himself. For leaving Cora to fend for herself, that little boy was alive because of Cora's pure strength. He put them both at risk, and if she'd had died he would never forgive himself for missing her last moments. He'd left them, his beautiful family only to return as a broken man. When she returned, she immediately rushed to his side, his guilt increased even more.

"Robert, I know you feel guilty for leaving but you shouldn't, just please don't." Her words brought a small smile to his face, even in their sad context.  
"You know me so well," he sighed as he brought a hand up to caress her cheek. She leaned into his palm and closed her eyes, finding herself some comfort in him. After staying like this for a while, she leaned forward to rest her head on his chest so that he could rest his chin on the top of her head.

"What time is it?" He asked quietly.

"Oh, who knows, and I don't care. I just want you to hold me like before."

"Cora, you need rest"

"And so do you, but this is more important. We'll heal eventually Robert, and all scars fade with time right?" He knew that she spoke on his and her own behalf. They would be alright, they always found a way to push through anything that came their way.

"We've talked a lot about me, and you've sat here consoling me, when I feel like I need to do the same for you." Cora only sniffled at his words, he could feel his pyjama shirt damp from her tears. "I asked Mama what happened while I was gone, and Cora I am ever thankful that my worst fears were not a reality." She only clenched his shirt harder within her fist, as if she held onto him for dear life. "I love you so much, and I know at some point you'll make a comment about how there is too much emotion for an Englishman tonight," she chuckled at this. "But I just have to say it, after all this. Everything that has happened to us, but I've come back to my wife and family who are safe and sound. And there was a perfect new addition to welcome me home, which only made me want to say it a thousand more times. I really don't know what I'd do without you." He waited for her to respond, but no words escaped her sweet lips. She had relaxed against him, her body not as tense and her breathing steady. He knew she'd heard him, and he tilted his head to gently peck a kiss to her hair. Slowly and gently, he tried to lay her down from the sitting position the were currently in on the edge of the bed. He eventually decided on lying down himself and then resting her on top of him, which ended up working very well. He inhaled the scent of her hair, it smelled the same as it always did. And the way her fingers rested on his chest, reminded him of days gone by. As much as things have changed, some things will always stay the same.

* * *

Cora was thankful for losing sleep one night, because since their talk things were running smoothly. Of course, Robert was constantly confused at where all of his papers were because she'd moved them a bit to her liking while he was gone. Though it really just provided humour for her, to watch her husband in such a state of disorder. Also, they'd begun to take their walks together again especially with the warmer weather around. Nighttime however, was still filled with many late night conversations. William was of course one reason they'd be up, but once they were awake they'd keep him with them a bit. Just because he seemed to be a comfort to them both, which of course the loved enjoying their son. Their beloved boy, oh how long they'd been waiting for him.

"He'll be incredibly handsome,"

"Robert, you probably say that because he resembles you," she chuckles softly.

"Nonsense, definitely your features will keep him looking dapper my dearest." She watched as Robert held his little boy, playing with his limbs and hair. The image brought immense joy to her heart.

"Yes well, he's always been good looking, even when he was just born." She remembered seeing him out of the corner of her eye, right before everything went downhill. Her little boy, already growing up so fast.  
Robert gulped. "How much do you remember, of all that. I know that-"

"Not much, but that doesn't matter now anyways." She carefully played with his little fingers, staring into his sleepy eyes. He had only just fed, so they expected him to be awake for a few more minutes. Just enough time to remind them of all the good that had been left in the world.

After he'd fallen asleep, Cora slowly took him into her arms, standing up from the bed as well.

"Walk him back to the nursery with me Robert?" Her husband followed her down the hall, constantly peering over her shoulder. He certainly was a proud Papa, and she should let him be. Once William was safe and sound in the nursery, she pulled Robert into the hallway, obviously not ready to go to bed yet.

"Cora, we should be getting to bed," he whispered, though she knew he prolonged sleep as well.

"Robert, I'm hungry. May we please go down to the kitchens?"

"Cora, what's gotten into you?" He laughed at her enthusiasm.

"Darling I'm just a bit peckish. And it's nice to laugh together again."

"Alright my dear." Cora was so happy he agreed to come, though she knew he would. Cora always thought that a good chuckle never hurt, and she also wanted to prove that they were the same Robert and Cora. They used to partake in late night escapades all around the house.

 _"The house is so strange at night"_

 _"I know, I'm so used to hearing Mama criticizing at least one thing," Robert chuckled to himself. Cora had to agree though, ever since she'd married Robert a bit over a year ago, her mother-in-law had been quite a nuisance. Though late at night was when the Viscount and Viscountess would stretch their freedom. Cora could imagine Violet's intense reaction if she ever found out they did this._

 _"Oh, and we should be quieter this time. I had a conversation with Mama the other day and she kept asking if I was hearing strange noises in the middle of the night."_

 _"Well Robert, maybe if you stopped laughing at your own jokes half the time we'd be quieter," she giggled softly._

 _"Oh, Very funny Cora." He rolled his eyes at her, jokingly of course. They liked to joke a lot with each other, of course when nobody was watching._

 _Once they'd finished their snacks that they'd stolen from the kitchens, they found themselves in the small library, one of their favourite locations to hide out. Once the door was closed behind them, she felt her husband's hands grip her hips and gently pull her closer to him. He began pecking kisses all along her bare neck, his warm breath tickling the sensitive skin._  
 _"Robert," she breathed. "We usually wait a bit before we get to this part," she exhaled._

 _"Well, something's come over me. Maybe it's the fact that with the warm weather your nightclothes seem to be getting a bit thinner." He continued to pepper kisses along her neck and he gently turned her around. His lips eventually found hers, and they let their tongues explore the others' mouth. He slowly began to remove her dressing gown, and her frantic fingers made their way to the buttons on his pyjama shirt. Roberts body was pressed up against hers, tightly, and she could feel his body reacting to their closeness. They slowly made their way towards the settee, undressing only certain parts of each other along the way. Cora fell backwards onto it, with Robert hovering over top of her, their kisses and touches still heated and passionate. His large palms immediately seemed her breasts, where she felt herself slowly becoming undone._

 _"You know Robert, we usually end up making it back to our room," she gasped_

 _"Well, consider this one of the times we don't," he responded, his voice deeper with desire. They continued their ministrations on each other, before eventually they climaxed in unison and experienced eternal bliss._

"That was definitely not the last time we'd used a settee," his laughter echoing through the kitchens at their reminiscing.

"I remember your mother complaining to the servants the next day, thinking that it was the hall boys causing trouble late at night."

"How could I forget that. We eavesdropped the whole conversation"

"It was terribly funny though, of course your mother never found out it was us"

"Oh don't be so sure my dear," he reached for her soft hand to lead her back upstairs. "I'm fairly sure Mama figured it out after a while. She would always question the condition of the furniture, or why we looked so tired." The two of them laughed almost the whole way back up the servants stairs to their room. It was lovely, how much they'd changed yet remained so much the same. And after all these years they could still get lost in each other's presence.

* * *

 **I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. As I said before, this is probably the second last chapter but I do plan to write a sequel for this story in the future. Also, I have other things I would love to write about as well. Once again, anything you may recognize from Downton Abbey is not my property.**


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